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Moms of onlies- Do you feel guilty?

I have a son who is 4 1/2. He is our only child. Right now we can't afford to have another child but we will be able to in about 3-4 years. If we do that then our children will be about 8 years apart. I am not really crazy about having our children so far apart. I want what is best for my child and I want to offer/give him experiences, experiences that cost money. If we have another child we probably will not be able to afford having two children and giving our children some of the experiences that we have planned. So, more than likely we will only have one child. Either way I feel guilty. Anyone else feel this way?


Asked by JeremysMom at 10:32 AM on Feb. 17, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (9)
  • My brother and I are 8 years apart, and I love it. It was nice, and now we are best friends. I couldnt ask for a better brother. I think if we would have been closer in age that we wouldn't have gotten along as well as we do.

    Answer by NAT24ROXY24 at 10:52 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I don't. We have many friends with kids our son's age. I just don't feel like I can physically go through that again. It isn't about the money or not wanting to have more than one child. I just can't put my body through it another time. Have you thought about fostering a child? You could give it a try but be careful with the type of child you bring into your home. I was an only child and my parents did that to try and give me some exposure to having a brother or sister. But we had to be careful with the type of kids because my parents still had to protect me. It was a great experience for all of us though.

    Answer by DDry at 10:36 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • No I do not feel guilty. How I plan how many children I have is my business and for no other person to place judgement upon me. I have a toddler and am content that he may stay an only child. We can afford two children easily. But then we would not be able to put two children in the best private schools, travel around the world, or have the wonderful experiences and opportunities that we are currently having. I don't feel guilty at all. I feel happy about it. It is my choice to raise a child who is happy, healthy, and is more than well provided for. To others who find this distasteful I say that you live your life the way you want and I will live mine the way I want. And no, my child is not a spoiled brat.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • DDry- we have thought about it but we have decided against fostering because of that reason. Our son has lots of cousins so I guess that will have to do.

    Answer by JeremysMom at 10:44 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Sorry, but as the mom of an only, I don't feel guilty. If I am ever able to have another child, then so be it. If not, then not. My son will experience life either way. I don't worry about the financial aspects simply because most of the best and important life experiences - the ones that help him become a man - are free. My goal is to help him become a man, not experience all that life has to offer. He'll be able to experience more when he's older and can choose how to spend his money then - on family or experiences or a combination of both. As for his sense of family - I'm working on building a large community of family for him since I don't have any of my own - age mates through preschool, role models, teams. These will become his family - younger, older, multi-generational.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 10:45 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • As an adult only-child, it does bother me that I don't have that bond of a sister or brother. I have friends and relatives that I grew up with and are like family to me but it's totally different than a real blood sister or brother. My husband has a brother and even though his brother is a total loser and a total jerk, my husband still loves him very much. I don't have that and honestly, I am a little jealous of it. My mother and her brother are 16 years apart and are best friends. They talk daily and again, I am jealous of that. I was very well taken care of and had everything in the world I could ask for. I appreciated that. But it doesn't take away that I did want a sibling. My parents tried but my mother wasn't able to have more kids. But I don't feel guilty about my son being an only child. We are doing what we feel is best.

    Answer by DDry at 10:52 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I have an only child and don't feel guilty about it. On another note, my brothers and I are 8 and 12 years apart, and we get along great and always have.

    Answer by CookieMom108 at 10:53 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Why feel guilty, having a child for another child doesn't make sense. Considering the older child isn't going to be taking care of the baby. My kids are 5.5 years apart, we had to do it that way for medical reasons, so I have 2 only children. The good thing is that I was able to spend as much time with my youngest as I did my oldest. Having another child should be based on the parents and where they are financially, medically, marriage wise.....It's what you and hub need. Don't feel guilty, your oldest will be fine

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:07 AM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Nope- why would I have another child just to give my first a playmate? I will only have another if I actually want another. Besides, you can never guarentee they will be best friends. They may even hate each other and be estranged from each other. My dad hasn't seen one of his brothers since I was born and he has no idea where he is. I know someone who is not close to her brothers at all and they might was well be cousins or somethimg. So you can never really know how its going to turn out. If you treat your only as being special, and that being an only is wonderful and special, they won't feel like they missed out on anything.

    You should join the Moms of Onlies group on here- we are a fun group and its for moms with onlies- lots of young kids but also moms with older onlies as well. Its great for support :)

    Answer by abigail824 at 5:51 PM on Feb. 17, 2009