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Stepson says DH chose me over him

My DH has 13 year old son who used to live with us last year after his mother kicked him out. He then got extremely mouthy at our house & started lying and stealing. He went back to live with his mom last September. Since then, he hasn't spoken to or seen his dad. DH still goes to his baseball games & some of his practices, but he doesn't even acknowledge DH's existence and tells his mom that his dad chose me over him & will never speak to him again.
It just bothers me so much that DH tries SO hard for his son's approval & gets nothing but silence in return. What would you do if this was your kid & he was giving you the silent treatment?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:26 PM on May. 1, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (6)
  • My son does it. I have to let him work out his own issues. My son hasn't spoken to me in years. I check on him through his sisters. At least your ss says why he is angry. Mine won't share why he doesn't speak to me anymore.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:36 PM on May. 1, 2013

  • Your DH should continue going to games. It would be best if his parents could show a united front by sitting down with him and both address the lying and stealing.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 10:37 PM on May. 1, 2013

  • I think a lot depends on how things went when your stepson went back with his biological mother, which is something only you all would know. If there was anger or confrontation that went along with the move, and particularly if your husband said anything he might regret, writing a letter of apology to his son could help. Maybe the boy felt that instead of rejecting the lying and stealing and backtalk, his dad rejected him. Maybe the boy felt that you were the one who didn't want him around because you objected to his behavior, which is understandable, but that his dad wouldn't have made him leave if not for you. I'm not saying who was wrong or right--I wasn't there--but sometimes finding part of the problem to own and apologize for can be the first step to reaching out, and maybe if your husband did that, the boy might examine his part in the conflict, too. Sometimes reconciling is more important than having to be right.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 10:47 PM on May. 1, 2013

  • "What would you do if this was your kid & he was giving you the silent treatment?"

    I hope I would keep going to those games/practices & making contact/reaching out.
    Such a hard situation!!
    I hope that I'd feel my feelings (his lack of acknowledgment hurts), and recognize that it reflects his own feelings of anger & hurt. I'd hope to focus on the fact that I'm not going to his events for his recognition/response, but to demonstrate my commitment to him despite the conflict situation we navigated as best we could. It's unconditional.
    I'd try to remember that my son had an experience & has his own perspective too, and likely felt let down by the way things went. Particularly if I couldn't/can't acknowledge that, despite my good intentions, I may have missed the boat or let him down!

    If my spouse were going through this, I'd hope to validate his feelings of hurt, disappointment or hopelessness, supporting him by caring about him
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:34 AM on May. 2, 2013

  • Son is mad that he can not get away with everything. That's all. Your DH just need to make sure his son knows that he is their for him if he need him. And leave it at that.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:01 AM on May. 2, 2013

  • Just keep at it being the step mom, he is hurt and will get over it when he matures....
    older

    Answer by older at 12:19 PM on May. 4, 2013

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