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2 Bumps

I can't chose my kids' friends, but what do I do when they don't want to be friends with my kids? They want to be friends with me instead?

My son is in Kindergarten. My daughter is just 3 years old. Through school, my son plays with other kids.

There is a child (age 8, 2nd grade) that wants to come over. However, she doesn't seem to be interested in playing with my kids. She wants to know everything that I am doing.

When she knows that my son is grounded, she tries everything to stay at my house. Also, once she leaves, she'll come back 3x the same day again. I have been trying to avoid her, but there's only so much I can do.

She wants to come over in the morning so that I can take her to school. She tries to convince the teachers to let her walk my son home from school. She wants to come over and eat with us.

I have talked with her grandmother that takes care of her. Her mother is in jail due to drugs. She has a sister and a brother that stays with her and her grandmother.

Should I talk to her grandmother about this or should I try to keep avoiding her?

Answer Question
 
FoxyLove

Asked by FoxyLove at 11:46 AM on May. 2, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 10 (377 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Her mother is in jail? This poor little girl is looking for a mother figure, and seems to see you as the mother she wants. If you have it in your heart, I'd treat her just as your own kids. When it's time to do something with them, a craft or read etc., include her, but when it's time for the kids to go play, treat her just like your own and say okay, kids outside or in the playroom while I finish my chores. Maye give her some little responsibilities as well.

    This girl needs some love. If it's too much for you, no guilt, but talk to her grandmother.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:53 AM on May. 2, 2013

  • I don't mean to be harsh, but I would just start using the word "NO". That's just weird.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:53 AM on May. 2, 2013

  • I see what the above poster said, but really, that's a situation that needs to be handled by the family, not you. That's leaves you open to too many potential issues... the worlds too messed up to take that chance. Again, it may sound harsh, but.....
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:54 AM on May. 2, 2013

  • Well, I agree with both ohwrite and m-avi. It's a sad situation but really not your problem if you don't wish to make it your problem. However, the little girl doesn't want to be your friend, she wants you to be her mother figure. She probably doesn't get much attention at home and has seen how happy your kids are and has thus attached to you. I honestly don't know how I'd handle it. As much as I wouldn't want to make it my problem, I don't think I'd have the heart to tell her to kick rocks.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 12:01 PM on May. 2, 2013

  • Does she want to be 'friends' with you or is she looking for a positive role model? Maybe making a more structured schedule at home will either deter her from trying to spend more time at your house, or maybe it will help her focus her energy on other positive things. Make 3-4:30 reading / quiet time at your house. Try to get the kids to either read, look at books or maybe color in coloring books. If she has homework maybe she can bring that over to your house to do. Of course, if you just don't have the energy or emotional capability to have her over so much, then talk to her grandmother. A talk with her might give you a little more insight as to why she craves your attention.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:11 PM on May. 2, 2013

  • I have a friend whose daughter has a friend that acts much like this. It kind of drove me nuts for a while, because the girl would want to sit in on our conversations, and we're adults - sometimes the things we discuss simply aren't appropriate for a child/teen.

    But then my friend started explaining the girl's home life to me. She lives with her mother, her sister lives with their father, and neither parent seems to want either of them - it's not a fight over who "gets" the kids, it's who "gets stuck with" the kids.

    My friend, on the other hand, has a stable, happy marriage and two healthy, well adjusted kids. Their family is truly happy and stable - and this girl wanted to be a part of a happy, stable family. She wanted to be around that serenity, that relaxed atmosphere. My friend is a very sympathetic woman, so she is very tolerant and lets the girl hang out. She treats the girl just like she does her own daughter...
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:18 PM on May. 2, 2013

  • She'll come to my house about 10:00 in the morning on the weekends and 7:00 in the morning on the weekday. Then she won't leave my house till 8:00 pm. During the weekdays, after school, she'll stay till 8:00 at night. For us, bedtime is 8:00pm during the weekdays. The weekend is more flexible.

    I tell her that I cannot take her home that late because the kids are in bed. I am a stay at home mom. She told me to leave my kids at home and walk her home. I told her that I cannot do that.

    She is very persistent.
    FoxyLove

    Comment by FoxyLove (original poster) at 12:19 PM on May. 2, 2013

  • including lecturing and punishing her.

    If you can bring yourself to, I would try to do that with this girl. It sounds like she's craving something she finds at your house. If you can't, then maybe see if you can figure out what she's craving and talk to Grandma, suggest that she find a way to provide that and ask her to try to keep her home more.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:20 PM on May. 2, 2013

  • She is looking for a Mother figure. Keep it simple. Don't get too involved. Set LIMITS. "No, you can't walk (your Son) home. You can come over at (This) time only. Tell your Grandma what & when you are doing it, You have to go home at (this ) time." Etc. Stick to the rules. Talk to her Grandma nicely & say when she can & cannot come over. She may be a nice kid to have around. She can help you do things around the house too!
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:44 PM on May. 2, 2013

  • Stop answering the door.
    Tell her grandmother you are very busy and don't have time to watch another child.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:24 PM on May. 2, 2013

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