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2 Bumps

My husband is getting an intervention and I'm co-dependent - Advise please?

My husband smokes weed, and not for medical's a recreational thing. A lot of people don't see anything wrong with weed, but father-in-law does not like it or accept it. My opinion on weed is it's fine for medical or social use, but I think my husband is "self-medicating" because he is so very irritable when he is not high and it's sad to say that he only seems happy when he is high. I know he gets high, but have not said anything because I don't know...I'd rather him be happy than to have him be irritable, if that makes sense. My father-in-law picked up our daughter from school and took her to buy some ice cream. When he dropped her off at home, he found my husband's stash of containers he uses and was so upset (more like disappointed). My husband has managed to stay clean with the help of counseling to cope with his feelings for about 2yrs but started all over again (he stopped counseling in 2011). My father-in-law told me he was going to talk to him because he knows how my husband gets when he is high - over a period of time, my husband turns into a complete lazy person and will not even throw away trash from the night before and wastes ridiculous amount of money on buying more weed. At first when he told me, I was kinda happy because I do not want my husband to rely on a substance to be happy. I don't like the unpredictable mood swings especially with our daughter. Then the co-dependent side comes out and is afraid of the having him get off weed because he is so nice and loving when he is high, but then I think that's not really him...that's the bud. So who really is he? Ugh, please need some advice.

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on May. 3, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I think you need to re-read your question and just think about what you wrote.... re-read and think some more.

    Answer by m-avi at 3:07 PM on May. 3, 2013

  • OP here - I've been thinking and thinking so much. It's just going to take a lot of work...a lot of lot of work...and I don't know if he's ready and he'll rebel and just say screw us (the co-dependent side as well). I don't know if he's willing to work, go to counseling all over again individual and group counseling. I don't know if he's ready to recognize his anger.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:11 PM on May. 3, 2013

  • You won't know who he is until he gets clean. You should attend a program as well.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 3:11 PM on May. 3, 2013

  • That is the chance you have to take. There are even some co-dependent people who are afraid the offender will not want anything to do with them once they are better....

    Answer by m-avi at 3:18 PM on May. 3, 2013

  • My husband did that once when we were engaged. Or at least once that I found out about. I chewed him a new one. I don't tolerate any type of drug use. I told him that and said I wasn't sticking around for it. He was so shocked. I would never depend on or settle down with anyone like that. To this day he rarely even drinks.

    I agree you need to read your question again. If it sounds horrible it probably is. What I hear is "I live with someone who does drugs because he's nice to me when he's stoned and miserable-crabby-mean to us when he's not because I am dependent on his income."

    Leave him if he's not who you thought he was when you first got together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on May. 3, 2013

  • Would you rather he be under pharmaceutical pill to help him with his issues? would a legal drug be any better? or maybe him turning to alcohol? really I think out of all the drugs out there this is the safest one....let him indulge and ask him not to make this a priority, but to use it socially or occasionally like you would a drink...I think he is what and who he is regardless of his use, this does not make an un lazy person lazy or a spender spend are atributing his character flaws to his use when it reality they belong to him...


    Answer by older at 3:50 PM on May. 3, 2013

  • I agree with Older. Also, reading your question, are you opposed to your husband indulging, or are you just going along with your father-in-law's wish to intervene? Because your husband is all grown up and it's really none of his daddy's business what he does anymore. Personally, I'd set boundaries of how much money your husband can spend on his pleasure of choice, and what jobs still need to get done, and let it be, the same as if he liked having a few beers every night or a drink or two now and then.

    Answer by Ballad at 9:05 PM on May. 3, 2013

  • I have to disagree with those who say let him do it. I grew up with alcoholic parents and dh was an alcoholic for several years (he's sober now). What you have described about your dh and weed is the exact same behavior I see in my mother and that I saw in my dh. Help him get clean and stay clean. It will take work, but trust me it's worth it.

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 12:02 AM on May. 4, 2013

  • anime, comparing weed to alcohol is a bad comparison........same as prescription drugs that 90% of people abuse and they think it is ok because it was prescribed by a doctor.....what this husband does is in no way reason to discard him or leave him.....

    Answer by older at 10:48 AM on May. 4, 2013

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