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I've been stalking my dad on Facebook. Should I message him?

I never grew up with my father. My parents divorced well before I could remember. I have very few memories of him. Actually - just 2. One when I was 12 and saw him for a few minutes, and the last time I talked to him on the phone when I was 14. Other than that, absolutely nothing.

I am 26 years old with a life & child of my own. I don't have any issues with my father. I know he was a fireman and also had an addiction to crack. But I'm not bitter or looking for anything in particular. My mother never talked about him; everything was either a secret or really awkward.

He has several other children. He has my brother & me listed as his children plus his other kids. My brother doesn't have a Facebook & I go by my middle name, so I don't think he would find me if he searched. However, he has a lot of people with our last name as friends - I think he adds random people with the same last name b/c there's a girl I went to school with on there & there's no relation at all. Maybe he was looking for me - kinda creepy & weird coincidence. Some of his other kids listed underneath his family have Facebook pages, but aren't on his friends list. It's like they have nothing to do with him either. I've only talked to one of the girls, but this was years ago when she was 17. I think one of them has their profiles block from me because one of the sisters looks like she's having a conversation with someone underneath pic comments, but I cannot see the comments the person she's having a conversation with. It's just very odd that someone I don't even know would block me from seeing their profile & comments. Or maybe it's just a Facebook security setting...idk.

Anyway - part of me thinks that he doesn't deserve me talking to him. The other part of me says that all I know is what very little my mother has told me. I'm just very curious. Would he respond? Would it be weird? And another part of me is just bored & I'd like to stir up the pot & make my life more interesting. What would you do?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on May. 4, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I personally would want nothing to do with a parent that took no interest in my life growing up!! But I say go for it or dont just make up yr mind!

    Answer by Fairymom32 at 12:02 AM on May. 9, 2013

  • you admit to just wanting to stir the pot, so if you are not looking for a legitimate relationship, why bother? My husband didn't meet his dad until he was 15, and that's it. We send him a Christmas card every year with nothing in return. My husband grew up without him and he doesn't feel like he is missing out on anything. Before you message him, maybe reevaluate why you want to get in contact with him. If it's just to "stir the pot" or make your life "more interesting", there are more productive, mature ways to be less bored.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 6:53 PM on May. 4, 2013

  • I agree with Cassie. I have a similar situation with my father and his children. I tried for a relationship but he didn't reciprocate and still has his own issues.

    If you don't want to attempt a relationship and just want to stir up the pot then don't bother him or his family.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 7:34 PM on May. 4, 2013

  • If I wanted to find out if he was interested in talking to me I would message him. If not I would stop stalking him.
    I would make up my mind one way or the other.

    Answer by Dardenella at 8:21 PM on May. 4, 2013

  • The problem with stirring the pot is that often, you start emotions boiling and then you get splashe and burned. If you want to find out abot your dad and try for a relationship, getting burned might be worth the risk to you. If you're contemplating starting something for boredom or other idle reasons and you get burned, you have only yourself to blame.

    Answer by Ballad at 8:16 PM on May. 4, 2013

  • When my dd wanted to get to know her dad better I warned her to not get her expectations high. I knew he couldn't give her what she wanted from him (love, affection, approval). She moved where he lives and has regretted it ever since. It's like diving into a quarry full of dark water. It might be cool and wonderful but then again it could have sharp rocks under the surface. Only you can decide if it's worth the risk. Once you jump there is no turning back in the quarry. At least with your dad you can set some boundaries.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:44 PM on May. 4, 2013

  • when you are ready to talk to him you will know.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 6:37 PM on May. 8, 2013