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Another house or not???

I am currently going through a divorce from a mentally abusive marriage. We have lived in the same house for the last 10 years. This is the only house that my youngest 2 really remember. I am trying to decide whether or not I want to stay here after the divorce or get a fresh start somewhere else. I would have loved to be able to go see my parents at my childhood home, but that's not possible.. So I had really like to be able to give that to my kids. So really not sure which would be better or healthier in this situation.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on May. 6, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • How much negativity have they endured or witnessed in your current house? If any, then I would think a change of scenery might be good for all of you.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:53 AM on May. 6, 2013

  • I think for the sake of consistency for the kids it's better for them to stay unless the house hold too many bad memories. If you stay, would a coat of paint or some different decorations be enough to make it seem different, but still be the same for the kids?
    How old are the kids? If they are in school and you move, can you stay in the same school district?
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:24 AM on May. 6, 2013

  • Agree w/ QuinnMae... though I understand where you're coming from, as far as sentimentaly wanting your kids & grandkids to be able to visit, the "childhood home". I always wanted that for my kids too. Unfortunetly I lived w/ my parents when my oldest was born, moved to an apartment, then on to another home when my 2nd was born, then ended up in my current place for the birth of my last 2, so that's not possible. What i learned through that, is "home' isn't a house, it's where you feel safe, & happy, & where you've shared love, & cherished memories. Considering your past w/ your ex, I'd think that moving on & making new memories somewhere else would be your best bet. You can just as easily fill your new home w/ happy memories for you & your kids, w/out the neg. thoughts & feelings associated w/ your current place. Wish you luck!! And Congrats on getting out of a bad situation!
    HappyEndings

    Answer by HappyEndings at 10:26 AM on May. 6, 2013

  • I moved a ton as a kid, and I really don't regret or feel bothered by any of it. I would get another house in the same neighborhood if you're worried about the kids having to adjust to a new home, that way they don't have to change schools.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 11:06 AM on May. 6, 2013

  • If I do decide to move, it will be in the same school district for sure.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:20 AM on May. 6, 2013

  • A house is just a house. A home is where you make a life with your kids and build memories. If you have a home, the house doesn't matter.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:34 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • I would consider moving. From all the self help books I've ever read, they say change is the best when splitting up. If you don't want to move and it's too big of a mess for you, try redecorating and rearranging everything. Also, you could go with the existentialist way of thinking. "Everything happens for a reason/It's meant to be" by putting your house up for sale and even seeing if it will sell. Also by looking around the somewhat miles you have to still be in the same school district and seeing if there are even any houses that are for sale and would be convenient for you and your children. I wouldn't worry too much about the children's memories, because they can always make more. But keep in mind that your "abusive ex" might not allow your move to happen without him getting some kind of profit! My best advice would be to try to redecorate, buy new furniture, move things around. And if that doesn't help, try the big move.
    Miszross

    Answer by Miszross at 1:35 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • This is a case without a "right" answer. What you decide is what matters, and it can be positive for everyone involved. Processing your feelings about it is the main consideration (including feelings about "negativity" or bad memories, and fears about not having "roots" or losing their connection to home.) Anything you decide can be right, if you get clear about it.
    I truly believe this!
    I would not move "just" to move, or because I think it's somehow important or healthiest. But I would process my feelings about it, my anxiety about finding the "right" choice or figuring out what's healthy--there is stuff there. Health is found through the resolution that comes from emotional processing. Anxiety about "getting it right" is just something (big!) to process.
    Best wishes to you.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:26 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • I would move
    megclark22

    Answer by megclark22 at 10:45 AM on May. 8, 2013

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