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When your child comes home from school and says.........

that kids are being mean & bossy what do you say? my dd is 6 and there are 2 girls in her class that are bossy & sometimes mean to her.....this kills me inside to hear this....I tell her don't let them boss you around & stick up for yourself, it pains me inside to see her hurt when she is so kind & so sweet that kids are mean? she is the new girl this year and I think this has something to do with it. I tell ya I need tougher skin myself, how do you handle things when your child is sad or bothered?

 
sarasmommy777

Asked by sarasmommy777 at 2:09 PM on May. 6, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (10)
  • At that age, it's pretty harmless and unfortunately, normal. I explained that not everyone is always going to be nice in this world. I also told my girls they needed to find the people that were nice and play with them.

    It's something that's not easy for a mom to hear, but really... it's going to happen. It will be happening from now on through life. What WILL matter is how you handle it. You need to let your child know the truth about life. Do not sugar coat it.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 2:18 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • IME, girls that age are rather emotional and tend to not communicate things very well among each other.  DD has said those things about girls in her class and even neighbor friends of hers.  She would tell me that they boss her around and get mad at her when she doesn't want to do what they say.  I would tell her (and still do) that she doesn't have to listen to what others are telling her to do.  If she doesn't want to play what they want to play, then she should go find someone else to play with.  She does that more now than she did last year and the year before.  I think it's a maturity thing and learning to stand up for yourself.  It does take a thick skin for us parents to get through their early years.  Just tell her that those two girls aren't the only ones she can play with and she should find some more friends.  They will get it eventually.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:24 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • Mom these are all lessons to be learned on her own, just guide her and tell her how wonderful she is and how those girls are missing out on her friendship. I was a kinder teacher for over a year, and this is a common issue among this age range, just teach her not to take abuse, and stand up for herself like you are doing now...but let her deal with it, this is how they learn...and keep reassuring that everything will be ok....
    older

    Answer by older at 2:26 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • I'd probably tell her to ask them why they're so mean. I'd tell her that people are mean because they aren't happy and so they have to take their anger out on someone else. She can tell them to please leave her alone and then ignore it because most mean people get bored when you ignore them and then stop. If it got worse or really started to affect her then I'd step in.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 2:56 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • I tell my 5.5 yo to stop playing with the mean girls, and if they get rough, to tell a teacher right away.

    I know it hurts, but kids have to learn these life skills without us parents always stepping in.

    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 3:05 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • pretty normal for them to go through that- unfortunately.
    Middle school will be worse- then by high school, it should mellow out. It did for our kids

    It's tough, but it's part of life. IF it turns physical, or there are serious threats though, then step in
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 3:17 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • I've had the same problem with my daughter in pre-K this year coming home and saying that one particular girl is mean. I've just told her some people don't know how to be nice because they're unhappy on the inside, an that she should find someone else to play with. I said if the girl hits or pinches her, which has happened a few times, then she should tell the teacher. But otherwise, she should just ignore the sillythings the mean girl says because she knows they aren't true. I let her express her feelings without trying to talk her out of them, but I try not to let her dwell on the problem, either. She's started praying for the mean girl at church and sometimes outside of church, too.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:20 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • I focus primarily on listening. What I say tends to be reflecting back what I hear from her, carefully. I focus on getting a clear sense of what is upsetting, and "mirroring" that for her. There usually are a lot of thoughts about what's wrong with what's happening, what they should/shouldn't be doing, and how it's a problem or affects her. I try to "hear" those thoughts/beliefs & articulate them back to her, so she gets a chance to engage her thinking about the situation. I also reflect her feelings--what seems to be deeply upsetting to her & how it seems to feel.
    It is much more active than passive, but it is focused on listening more than "responding" or "telling" her anything. My goal is to facilitate her emotional process. She's the one with feelings needing resolution, and it's her work to do!
    The kids at school aren't "mean" but my daughter still gets upset by things & needs support to work through it all.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:53 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • I forgot to mention that these are 2 girls that are being mean, kids will be kids but when should something be said?
    sarasmommy777

    Comment by sarasmommy777 (original poster) at 2:10 PM on May. 6, 2013

  • it's hard I am also a very sensitive creature, when she is in pain, I am in pain but more lol it's crazy I guess it is also due to the fact I was severly bullied as a kid and abused sexually so I am very sensitive and very Mamabearish : )
    sarasmommy777

    Comment by sarasmommy777 (original poster) at 3:04 PM on May. 6, 2013