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I just had to share with someone on the outside of this. I literally banged my head on the wall when I heard it

My cousin M just got out of an extremely abusive relationship. The abuser was her BF's dad. This guy is psychotic.
I'll give you a little background. My aunt found a guy when M and L (her daughters) were 12 and 9. She chose the guy over her kids,and told M if she didn't like it,she could get the fuck out of her house. M ran to her friend's house (the guy who later became her BF),and my aunt let her leave.
This dad saw an opportunity to take advantage. Over the years he used his position to get her to do his bidding while making her feel worthless,telling her no one loved her but them. A few years back,he somehow got her to have sex with him. What I consider rape. He has stalked her,called her tens of times a day to ask her where she is,who she's with, and accusing her of cheating on her BF.
Through all this,her BF went right along with it,backed up his father's actions.
She came over last night and told me about the fight they had before they broke up. She confronted him about his part in the abuse,and he told her that she needed to accept that she had a part in it,that she deserved to be treated that way. I was speechless. Where do these men come from?? Is there a class they can take on how to make a woman feel like shit?
The poor girl has been brainwashed by these bastards. Nothing we ever said phased her. We told her we were so sad for her situation,and were here for her,but we were left helpless.
She's going to need quite a bit of counseling to get healthy again.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on May. 7, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Glad she is out of that situation......and men dont just get like that it is a trait passed on for generations until someone decides to break the cycle.She will need counseling and she will need someone to listen and help her. I hope you can do that for her because she is gonna need someone in her corner.She is the one that is gonna have to decide that she is worth getting help and being loved. As far as her douche bag mom and those two scums of the earth I agree that karma is gonna come around and bite all three of them in the ass. That is the thing about this universe you get what you put back into it ten fold whether its positive or negative. Hope everything works out I really feel for this girl and you.
    Fairymom32

    Answer by Fairymom32 at 6:32 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • How old was she when he raped her? She might be able to file charges.

    They come from generations of people ALLOWING it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:28 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree. She will definitely need counseling to help her get some self esteem. Forgive me for asking, but is she pregnant or has she had a child with either of them? If not, at least she won't be required to deal with them. If so, it's going to be an even longer and harder road to recovery.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 5:47 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • Well, at least she can make a clean break without all of the custody crap that would have happened with a child. I sort of like to believe that the universe will return what you have given, and in these two men's cases, I hope it's ten fold. She is lucky to have family that haven't given up on her. She's going to need you now more than ever. Good luck.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 6:14 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • Get her into Therapy ASAP to attempt to avoid her going back to them, because they are going to keep trying to get her back. There was nothing you could do until she decided to leave. It can be very scary for the abused person. I attempted to leave my very abusive ex many times, my first very serious attempt(before I finally got out for good) he ended keeping me hostage in the house after beating the crap out of me for an hour or two(as I kept attempting to get out) and raping me and telling me he "should just kill me now". With something like that going on it is very hard to get up the courage to leave, it becomes easier(both mentally and physically) to just stay and deal with the abuse. That is also what draws victims back in, it is easier at times and you come to believe that you truely don't deserve or can never have better. I know it is hard to understand.

    Just keep supporting her and getting her therapy.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 10:39 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • That's fucking barbaric. I feel like banging my head on the wall, too, just because this still happens in our modern world. But I blame the mother of your cousin as much as I do the boyfriend and his dad. I hope she stays away from all of them.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:30 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • Why didn't she run to family instead of a friend? It boggles the mind the way kids in a bad spot think. I am glad she is out of it. Yes she will need a lot of help to get through this.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 6:14 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • If there's any chance of the dad harassing her, get your cousin to carry a charged-up cell phone with her at all times so that the police are just a phone call away.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:35 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • Abusers work their targets like a piece of clay. They make them think they are worthless and no one cares about them but the abuser which is why they keep going back. Sad (been there but I finally got out). She has to want to leave before she'll leave on her own. He's probably convinced her that she can't make it in life without him. Maybe if she meets someone who is nice and shows her attention she will realize she doesn't have to live with an abuser. Abuse attention is not "love" which some believe it is, you know that "he wouldn't get this mad if he didn't love me" crap. I wish only good things for your friend.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:30 AM on May. 8, 2013

  • she was 25
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:30 PM on May. 7, 2013

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