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2 Bumps

I could use a few kind and uplifting words :(

My husband and I have a beautiful 2 and 1/2 year old son, we couldn't feel more blessed! Although I love love love being a mother, I find that I USED to be a very fearless person and had full confidence in all decisions that I made, and even if they turned out to be the wrong decisions I would take it as a learning experience and move on! But now that I'm a mommy I question every single decision I make and it's driving me batty! I'm fearful of outcomes from decisions I make and in general! I feel like I lack in confidence and that I am not a strong woman, how can I be a good mother and set a good example for my child if I'm unsure of myself, and how can my husband be proud of me if I continually show that I am weak in decision making? I'm so disappointed in myself and I am saddened that I've become this way. :( Does anyone have any suggestions as how to better that part of me? Any kind words are appreciated.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on May. 7, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Maybe you need to see a doctor about anxiety. I will tell you that for me, worry is the hardest part of being a parent.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:44 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • The responsibility of caring for another life can be daunting. It seems you worry about things that didn't occur to you before. If it is overwhelming you, you could see a doctor for anxiety. Or you can learn some behavioral skills to manage your worry and move past it. One thing you can do immediately is Positive Self Talk. We reflect what we hear about ourselves, and our own inner messages are the most important. Start praising yourself for the good decisions you make every day. When a bad decision rolls around, because we all make them sometimes, ask yourself what is the very worst that can happen??? Are you going to die over this decision? Is anyone in your family? Is someone going to take you child? The answers will most likely be NO, and you can start to put your poor decisions in perspective, and see that aren't that big of a deal.
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 6:57 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • I agree with Ryansmom001 just because you second guess yr self though doesnt mean you are not strong and it doesnt mean yr weak. I would think yr hubby loves to have a woman that is raising his kids carefully. Worry is the biggest and hardest things for a parent and it will never go away.With my first one I was one of those moms that gabe my child a bath three times a day changed her clothes often never let her have anything messy would not let anyone else hold her hardly I was awfully fussy lol but by the time my second one come around you kind of get over all that.I chalk it up to just being a new mommy. I would be worried if you didnt worry lol yr doing fine if you feel like you need some counseling then go for it. Take some parenting classes!! I wish you well!! I believe yr gonna be great.
    Fairymom32

    Answer by Fairymom32 at 6:59 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • Perhaps look into parenting classes to give you that boost of confidence. When you mentally know you've had training, you worry less. You might also find free parenting videos on Youtube, parenting websites, and books to buy or check out from your local library. How can you worry when you actually do the homework? ;-) Also, Youtube is a great source for daily affirmation, relaxation, and motivational videos to start your day psyched up. If you listen to them every day, I promise you that you will start to feel better within a week.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 7:01 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • I think parenthood, and motherhood in particular because of how women are raised, brings automatic worries and anxiety. I remember the first time I felt utterly inadequate as a mom. I don't recall what brought on the feeling, but my baby was maybe six weeks old, and an older cousin of mine came over to find me in a nightgown at noon, crying my eyes out. She was naturally concerned, but when I told her my fears, she assured me that there was nobody in the world who could make us question ourselves more than our kids. She watched the baby while I took a shower, dressed, and did my hair. Just that was a big boost for me.

    If you can isolate the kinds of decisions that make you second guess yourself, it might help. Do you have anxiety? Are you pressuring yourself to be perfect because so much is riding on your parenting? Talk it out with your husband if you can, so you take away the fear of him not being proud of you.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 7:02 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • It's because you have more than just yourself to think about now, and that makes you an EXCELLENT mom!
    You are thinking about repercussions and consequences. Instead of being "fearless" you are being responsible and cautious.
    Now when "cautious" turns to afraid to leave the house, let your child with family, pet a puppy, go for a walk in the park.... etc, then you should seek help.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 7:04 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • I'm sorry to hear this, mamma...Bless your heart. Could you be having a hormone inbalance? Share this with your OBGYN or Doctor and see what they think... I have terrible hornomes and they really do affect how I feel about myself sometimes. I have a great OB/GYN.

    Ruthmom802

    Answer by Ruthmom802 at 7:58 PM on May. 7, 2013

  • i also know how this is, having babies is a wonderful thing but also very hard on our bodies and minds. i have struggled with anxiety for years and i know that hormones and also stress make it worse. i am the biggest worrier u could ever meet. i choose to not medicate myself and use my friends and the internet to feel better. i totally understand momma and it will and can get better. just because u worry and may not be as confident doesnt mean u r a bad wife and mother. sometimes if is better to focus on mommy and look into doing some things for just YOU!!!! it really will make a huge differance and maybe have some just time with the hubby too!!! good luck girl i wish u the best.
    VDietrich

    Answer by VDietrich at 8:23 PM on May. 7, 2013

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