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what do you do when your 19 says he is going to take a year off from college to get caught up on his bills. He has moved home, but keeps moving in and out when he runs out of money.

He lives with his weird friends and stays away for days and then come home everyonce in a while for food and a nice bed. He does not have a place to stay but does have a job. What would you suggest?

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Teachersrus

Asked by Teachersrus at 12:17 PM on May. 8, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Tell his ass he needs to get a full-time job if he wants a warm bed and meal. Sounds like he's into drugs or something. Make him pay rent or at last help with groceries/utilities
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 12:20 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • I would offer him his house and food and bed anytime he needs it, in my book the home he grew up in will always be his refuge if he ever needs it....there is nothing more comforting than going home to the safety he felt as a child....as long as he is not asking you for $ what is the problem?

    older

    Answer by older at 12:21 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • If you're letting him do it, he's not going to stop. Maybe try telling him no, and that he has to stand on his own feet if he's not going to finish school. Our oldest knows he has to have goals, and carry them through, because we're not going to pick him up when he falls. It seems tough, but we want him to be independent, and so far he's a sophomore, with good grades, and a job, and he has goals for after high school which he will stick with because he knows we won't tolerate sapping off of us.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:21 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • Give him a roof over his head but don't loan him money. If drugs are involved tell him to move out.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 12:26 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • I did this in my early 20's and my mom charged me rent, but secretly she saved the money I paid her then one year she surprised me with a trip to Europe. While I backpacked through the different countries I discovered who I was and what I wanted to do.I came home went to college and when I moved out I moved out for good. So I don't know maybe charge rent but really save the money
    pinkparcel

    Answer by pinkparcel at 12:34 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • Perhaps a talk is in order. Figure out what he wants to do and how to do it. What kind of bills is taking off of school for? School is not for everyone, perhaps a tech school would be better and maybe in your town so he could live with you while he is bettering himself.
    AngZacc

    Answer by AngZacc at 12:39 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • I wouldn't cut the kid off completely, but it seems fair that h should help out a bit with household bills and let you know where he is and when he plans to come back. That's just common courtesy. Maybe he isn't ure what he wants to do, and feels like going to school would be a waste. What about online classes, just to get some of the general requirements out of the way? Or maybe a trade school? I do agree that if drugs are involved, you might have to cut the cord till he gets his poop in a group.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:04 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • Who is paying for college? The staying with you when it is convenient for him would not fly with me.  I would inform him he is moving out.  He has a job?  Get your own place.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:03 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • You make a main use room out of his room and tell him that he can sleep on the couch for a few nights while he looks for other arrangements. Make it a hobby room or an office that doesn't have a bed in it.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:51 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • It's so frustrating when they are making obvious mistakes & you can't do much but give your advice & sit back & watch the show. Tell him taking off a year will just make it harder to return later. Maybe he could just go to college part-time & work more hours to catch up on bills & save money. If you do not suspect drugs or other illegal activities, I agree w/ the moms about letting him have a safe place to stay when he's not crashing at his friends' houses. As many times as I've been at my wits ends with my 22 y/o, I know I couldn't slam the door in his face unless it was necessary for the well-being of the rest of my family. (ie. drugs) GL

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:19 PM on May. 8, 2013

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