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2 Bumps

Grandfather who seems to want to be the daddy?

I left my husband about a year ago and moved from NH to FL with our daughter so that I could be closer to my support system of my father who lives with his wife here in FL. I am 33 years old, on the brink of a divorce, and in school full time to become a nurse. My husband pays no child support yet and was abusive and my daughter, who is almost 2, and I live off of the income I get from the VA for a service connected disability and from the GI Bill benefit I earned and receive while going to school. Needless to say we are barely getting by and until now I had had my daughter attend preschool 3 days a week and go over to my father's/stepmother's house the other 2 while am in school. The problem is that my father and his wife are always arguing, it is an emotionally strenuous situation for me, and I'm trying to establish some more consistency in both mine and my daughter's lives. However, I see now that my father seems toga be his role as a grandparent confused. When I told him recently that I wanted to put my daughter in preschool 5 days per week, he had an absolute fit and was verbally abusive and told me he would just go pick her up when he felt like it and accused me of denying him "his days" with my daughter. Up until now I've always appreciated the help but to be honest it's been my stepmother who was most involved. So I came to a compromise of still letting her go to their house 1 day a week even though that's not what I want. Now my father has called me to see what days of the weekend he can take my daughter and I feel very uncomfortable. It seems like he doesn't understand that she is MY child and that she lives here with me. He never comes to visit just demands that I bring her over there. I have the urge to want to get away from this situation. I am regretting moving here even though I needed a safer place and a way to get back on my feet. I am just feeling smothered. Has anyone dealt with an emotionally unstable type of grandparent who thinks they are the father in their role? Any advice or suggested reading?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on May. 8, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (2)
  • It sounds like your dad is lacking some boundaries. Where does your stepmom fit in with all of this? Could she help you get your dad to back off a bit? Either way, you may have to just tell him how it's going to be and stick to your guns, and if he gets verbally abusive again, withdraw from the situation till he can be fit company. If it means finding a different childcare option, as difficult as that is, you may have to start looking.

    Answer by Ballad at 10:28 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • You have to set boundaries. If you don't want your child over then then DON'T allow it. You are giving in to his abusive intimidation just like your past relationships(ever think that his influence on you growing up may have influenced the type of relationships you got into as a woman??).

    You have to be firm or he will continue to walk all over you

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 10:25 PM on May. 8, 2013

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