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3 Bumps

Am i expecting to much?

a bit long...
(back story)
so i married my DH 2 years ago, we've been together a total of 3 years. he was single dad when i met him and i was a single mom, our kids are 6 months apart. he has full custody of his son as i have of mine. okay, so before me his son had never had a mother, or a mother figure.. so came in and well i am mom now..

here's the problem.. my parents.. i am hispanic and i dont know if that has anything to do with it. when they take my son they take him every other weekend, they leave my step son here, they have never taken him anywhere.. so today we went over to my moms because it was my dads birthday and my mother set me aside and told me that this summer my son would be spending two weeks over their (not asking me but tellin me..) i said no because its not fair to my step son.. she said he's not our family.. its not our problem...

so my question is am i asking my parents too much for them to treat my step son like they do my son?

Answer Question

Asked by mampanda0422 at 11:01 PM on May. 8, 2013 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,395 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I don't think so, no. Especially when you're married to his dad & it's a long-haul type deal. Sounds like it might be boundary time. Why on earth does your mom think she can tell you what your son will do? & the "not our family" comment was beyond rude to YOUR family.

    Answer by KA91 at 11:05 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • I dont think so either... they should accept him as theirs as well, at least I know I Would! how old are your kids?

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:06 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • @KA91 thats what i thought. and i dont know she does that all the time and i just agree with her then somehow we are doing something that weekend ha, so she doesnt' get her way regardless. and it was i felt attacked.

    Comment by mampanda0422 (original poster) at 11:07 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • they are both 6

    Comment by mampanda0422 (original poster) at 11:07 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • I totally agree with Fairymom32(see we agree on some things! lol). You need to stand up to your mother not just agree and then be passive agressive and make other plans so she can't get her way.

    Do exactly as Fairy said and quick or else your second son is going to grow up hurt.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 11:32 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • I do not think so. It is no different than you adopting a child together. You might ask her is it would be different if you adopted your SS or if she would feel the same.
    Truthfully you are right it is wrong for them to make one child feel "less than". On the other hand it might not be all that great for him to be over there and basically excluded during the visit. Think Harry Potter. I am not saying your parents would be this over the top.

    Me personally, I would not allow them to take their biological son for the extended visit and I would start cutting down the weekend visits because that is not the harmony that I would want to foster within my blended family.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:59 PM on May. 8, 2013

  • Hell no, you're not expecting too much. Your mom is being a jerk. First of all, who gives the cold shoulder to a six-year-old? Those boys are brothers, and they should be treated as such. Secondly, she gets to tell you, not ask you, that your son is spending two weeks over the summer at her house? I don't *think* so. My family tried that bulls**t with my stepson, and because of that, I have virtually no contact with them. They either get all of us as a package deal, or none of us at all.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:14 AM on May. 9, 2013

  • You're married, so he IS family. Tell them that, and cut off communication until they accept it. You may have to play the waiting game to see who can outlast who in not contacting the other person. Just wait it out. They will change eventually if they want you and your family back in their lives.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 12:20 AM on May. 9, 2013

  • Only an idiot thinks blood is all that makes a family. Blood is a mere accident. You CHOSE this man AND the child.. that makes them equal to the blood relation. Your parents have TWO grandchildren in your family. The two get treated equally. Which means they are both to be seen... or NEITHER will be seen.

    You're not expecting too much. You're being too nice.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:31 AM on May. 9, 2013

  • No, you're not expecting too much. My inlaws treat my older 3 children (from my 1st marriage) exactly like they do their other 9 grandchildren.
    I would tell your parents that he is your son, which makes him their grandchild and that they are to treat both boys the same.

    Answer by missanc at 6:22 AM on May. 9, 2013

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