Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Foster children

Has anyone on here been a foster parent? My husband and I are considering it, what are everyone's thoughts?

Answer Question
 
ashleyaction

Asked by ashleyaction at 2:05 PM on May. 9, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,543 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I have a BIL that was a foster parent. He stopped fostering because of all the BS red tape he had to follow to help the kids in his care. Now, the Foster Care system in my sate is broken beyond belief, so that may play into the frustration he felt as well.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 2:16 PM on May. 9, 2013

  • I haven't, but my brother has been fostering a little boy and trying to adopt him for the last three years. My thoughts:

    If you're in it for extra money, don't be. You probably aren't, but it has to be said. You get a small monthly payment from the county, but it isn't nearly enough to cover costs if you're taking your responsibilities seriously.

    You'll go through training classes, a home study, and endless questions. Then you'll start getting kids and having oportunities t touch their lives in a positive way, but steel yourself because you'll see heartbreaking circumstances that don't go the way you want them to.

    Be honest with yourselves about what kids you're willing and able to care for, and how the needs of those kids and their comings and goings will impact your current family. If you feel a certain age group is right for you, say so--but keep in mind, everybody wants babies. (cont.)
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:19 PM on May. 9, 2013

  • If you don't feel you can commit to caring for kids with certain special needs, it's better to say so up front than to keep your concerns to yourself and end up with a disaster for everyone, including the foster kids.

    Fostering, especially if the kids are not infants, will be a lot different than parenting your own kids. You'll be paying for the sins of those who came before you, trying to undo a lot of harm, so you'll need patience. Gallons of patience. I've had a couple of friends who grew up in foster care, and they all said they became experts at pushing the buttons of their foster parents, just to see what would happen. Better the devil you know than the one you don't, they knew how to deal with pissed off adults but not kind ones.

    Still, if you can face all of that, fostering is necessary and noble. I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I tried and the county won't even talk to a blind person as a possibility.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:25 PM on May. 9, 2013

  • I haven't been but have friends who did. I would never do it while my kids are young. Yes, you're helping another child out but you don't know where that child has been/what they've been exposed to and what they can expose your child to (I'm not talking illnesses, I'm talking adult situations).
    I think it's a great thing but I'm too protective of my kids to do that.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:34 PM on May. 9, 2013

  • I would like to do it, but like missanc suggested, not until my kids are older. Not sure how much older, but older.
    AngZacc

    Answer by AngZacc at 2:57 PM on May. 9, 2013

  • I was a foster parent for 8 years and then quit. It was a combination of things but mainly because we took in large sibling groups (3-6!) and we had 3 of our grandkids placed with us. After 6 months it was just more then we could handle. At the end we had 8 kids in our home and it was just to much. If you have any questions you can PM me and I'd be happy to talk with you. There were lots of good and bad times but it's not something I will ever regret.

    If you really want to get into it then you need to talk to current foster family's in your area. There are some great agency's out there and there are some that treat their foster parents like dirt.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 3:08 PM on May. 9, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.