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2 Bumps

Share your experiences with fostering and/or adoption through being a foster parent!

I don't think I will have anymore kids, just because of the health risks I may have if I carried one of my own again....but I constantly think about more kids. It makes me sad to think I will never have another child to care for.
I was thinking about foster parenting. I was given the advice that because I live in a small town, it's really easy to have the family or friends of that child try to abduct them back and have high drama and risk for our own children. That scares the crap out of me, but I feel like our family has a lot of love that it could be giving to a child, or eventually children. We would probably want to make a permanent home for some of these kiddos.
So share with me your horror stories, your joys, your cautions...everything!
Thanks! I'm also looking at groups, but thought I would ask here too! :)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on May. 10, 2013 in Adoption

Answers (8)
  • I don't think the abduction thing would be too big of a deal because foster children could be placed with you from anywhere in your county. You could always specify that you didn't want to take kids from your own town if it would make you more comfortable not to.

    I've never fostered, but my brother and his partner took in a baby at seven months old and have raised him to the age of three and a half so far. It's been a joy for them to have the little guy, but it's also been a wrenching journey because the bio parents do enough to keep their rights from being terminated but not enough to get their son back, so nobody has any permanence. Still, I don't think my brother would have traded the experience for anything. He knew going in that about ten percent of foster-to-adopt cases end with the child leaving the foster home, and he was willing to take that risk. I just wish there could be some final decisions made. (cont.)
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:48 PM on May. 10, 2013

  • Learning from what my brother has gone through, I always urge people to be honest about what you can and can't deal with and state it up front. If you can't handle the presence of certain special needs, or with kids over or under a certain age, or whatever your limits may be, it's better to make them known than to get yourself in a situation that's bad for everybody, especially the foster kids.

    That being said, try to think beyond cute little babies because everyone wants the newborns, especially those whose moms didn't drink or do drugs during pregnancy. There are many older children, sibling groups, mixed race kids, pregnant teenagers, and of course the ones with disabilities and behavior problems, all of them needing loving families.

    Good luck to you. We need people who truly care about kids to open their homes to the ones who typically haven't been cared about enough.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:56 PM on May. 10, 2013

  • I'm not a foster parent but my best friend and her husband adopted a little boy and girl they are from China and they are the ages of 7-9 they didn't wanna split them up but however they love it here and have very good manners
    Shaketa123

    Answer by Shaketa123 at 12:19 AM on May. 11, 2013

  • You shouldn't have to worry about the parents showing up. Since it sounds like you are looking for long term foster care, the parents don't get to know where their kid goes, for safety reasons. If you do temporary foster care, the parents might get visitation rights. I lived in a foster home from age 13-18. I saw many kids go in and out of there. Never had any problems like your worried about though. When your fostering, you have the option to turn them down if the child is to problematic for you.

    There are a lot of people out there that shouldn't be foster parents, people who are only in it for the money. But I just want to say, from what you said I think you would make a great foster mom! You are definitely in it for the right reasons! And like Ballad said...we need more people like you. Most kids in the system just need a good caring home!
    Lobelia

    Answer by Lobelia at 11:19 AM on May. 11, 2013

  • I fostered for 8 years and never worried about the kids being kidnapped by their parents and that is what it is which is a Federal offense and most parents are not willing to take that chance. Most parents will work hard to get thier kids back. You may get a lot of the "You're just a foster parent so you can have MY kids" but you look at them and just say "Nope! I'm just here until they get to go home again." You take it one day at a time. It brought a lot of joy to my life and a lot of heartache. You won't always agree with a child being sent home again and other's you'll be packing them up as soon as you get a "hint" that they may be leaving soon. Don't ever let anyone lie to you and tell you you'll fall in love with all of them. You won't! You'll do your best but there are conlicts in personality's. I had one "city" boy that HATED it on my farm. The day he left he gave me my first hug and told me I wasn't so bad if I just
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 11:27 AM on May. 13, 2013

  • didn't live on a farm. Shocked me. Another one I got a call from his teacher when he got word that it was his last day at the school. She just wanted to make sure that "The child of Satan" was actually leaving. Unprofessional yes but it was truthful. This kid got a kick out of seeing other kids get hurt and tried to assist in anyway possible to see that they got hurt without getting in trouble. I only had him a couple of months and was also thrilled to see him leave.

    Then you get those that you want to keep forever but they are sent home. You'll cry and grieve but then the call comes for the next child and you open your heart once again.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 11:30 AM on May. 13, 2013

  • My daughter sign up for foster care with an option to adopt, you run the risk of having the child taken from you, but she was lucky enough to get a 5 day old little angel and is keeping her, mom does not want her and dad is unknown, and no other close family members that want her either...we lucked out big time...she will be 5 months next week..and thriving...even though she was born with cocaine and weed in her system....

    older

    Answer by older at 4:07 PM on Aug. 31, 2013

  • We have been traditional foster parents for 6 years now. During that time, we have had 13 placements - 4 of whom have finalized adoptions and 2 more that should finalize. We, too, live in a small, rural area and kidnapping IS a concern. One od our children is from our town and I grew up with biofather, and biomother stalks us. She's 3 1/2 and we've had her since she was 7 months old. Bmom stays away more now that she's going to drug court and obviously we don't have the same circles of friends. In a town of less than 1000, we will never completely avoid her. We've almost adopted ourselves out of fostercare but I would never take a child from our town again. Never.

    We also never expected placement of a 6 year old girl whose bmom had kidnapped her from her previous foster placement - we've finally, after 5 years, gotten her past the fear. And the same bmom has had 3 more babies - all of which we've gotten before 2 weeks old.
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 10:53 AM on Sep. 8, 2013

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