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How would you deal with this situation with the new neighbor kids?

My 8 and 4 year old boys were outside playing with the new neighbor kids. They moved in to our apartment complex with their divorced dad about a month ago. My older son is in the same grade and knows the older boy, the girl is 6. I was outside watching them most of the time but snuck in really quick to check on my sleeping baby. When I went back out I herad then howling/ laughing and checked to see what they were up to. The girl and my youngest had their pants down, and her brother was trying to poke her front side, while I noticed my oldest son was doing up his pants......

I was NOT happy! I approached them and asked them calmly what they were doing and they said playing the pants down game. I told them it was not a game and that it was time for my kids to go inside. I sent them home and took my kids up to ask them whos idea it was, etc. I explained they were not introuble and nither were their friends but I just wanted to know more about the game. It was apparently they girls idea, who pulled her pants down first and told them to do it. They say no one touched anyone. We have gone over private parts before.

I let them know that is not a game we play with anyone. I am nost sure how i feel about my kids hanging out with them now.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on May. 11, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • If you do let them play make sure they are supervised at all times. Have you brought this to the attention of the other father? OR have your husband(if you have one) talk to him.

    Could be a harmless "game" the girl came up with or a sign of a bigger issue.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 3:46 PM on May. 11, 2013

  • i am afraid of a bigger issue. i went through that as a child. i dont know how to bring it up to dad.... i dont know him really at all, and my husband hasnt even met him.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:55 PM on May. 11, 2013

  • I would say if they all want to play that they need to play at our house. No exceptions. I would also tell them right up front that there is to be absolutely NO pants down games, or any games that require the removal of clothing. Ever.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 3:55 PM on May. 11, 2013

  • I don't know that I would bring it up to the father quite yet since ou don't know where she learned the pants down game. Not that he is responsible for that, but you really don't know.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 3:58 PM on May. 11, 2013

  • I figured you didn't know him well but it is something that needs to be told to him in case he isn't aware. I suggested your husband because it would be better man to man. I think you should make a point of meeting and getting to know him better IF your kids are going to continue to spend time together.

    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 3:59 PM on May. 11, 2013

  • I don't think I would let the kids play together again unless you're right there watching, but I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about what the pants down game means. My stepson and my daughter started playing that because they told me they saw some other kids doing it at the park, and I put a quick and final stop to it. But I don't think it was a sign of anything weird going on, it was just kids getting goofy ideas of what's funny. I'd consider telling the father, in a note under his door if not in person, because I'd want to know as a parent if my child was doing that sort of thing when I wasn't around.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 4:04 PM on May. 11, 2013

  • "Hey Charlie, our kids were playing outside the other day and they did something I'd like to bring your attention to. The kids called it the pants down game, and I thought it wasn't appropriate for them to play. I understand that kids between the ages of 4 and 6 get curious about others' bodies. I just wanted to mention this to you so you were aware."

    If he asks, give him the same description that you gave us here. Try to keep in nonchalant and more of a "hey, just wanted you to know" kind of tone.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 4:32 PM on May. 11, 2013

  • First of all, and I'm not making a judgment call, but you really shouldn't let your kids play with other kids unless you know their parents well-enough or have at least had a long enough conversation to decide whether or not you want your kids hanging around their kids. Because often times kids learn that kind of behavior from their parents and perhaps there is a bit of molestation going on with the 6 year old girl. I know you think it might not be any of your business but if you suspect something is going on with those kids I would at least keep a weary eye out and if something evidential comes up, report it to the police. It sounds pretty shady.
    uwmilf

    Answer by uwmilf at 6:02 PM on May. 11, 2013

  • I completely agree with uwmilf !! I really think there is something on. I wouldn't let your kids play with them anymore. And yes, keep an eye on those kids and report it if you seen anything else weird like that! Growing up I had a friend who did weird thing like that.. .and I know for a fact that at the very least her dad is a molester.
    Lobelia

    Answer by Lobelia at 8:07 PM on May. 11, 2013

  • It's just natural curiosity but it is normal. You should tell them that it is inappropriate to show their private parts to other people but don't make a big deal because it's just a natural thing for their age. My aunt caught my cousin and I doing the same thing and she pitched a fit about it and made a huge deal because he was a year older. She was convinced that her son would be a child molester. He was six and I was five. Come on, stupid. What's the big deal? You screaming that he was going to be a child molester is what would make him a child molester. He's not and he still turned out ok but to make a big deal about it? My mother just told us not to show our private parts to anyone else.
    Cowgirl_Coyote

    Answer by Cowgirl_Coyote at 10:33 PM on May. 11, 2013

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