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More on my adoption

I made another post on my daughter biomom wanted to come back into her life and play the mom role. My DD is 8 years old I have adopted her when she was 3. When I adopted her the mother signed a contract that this was to be a closed adoption and that she would not be able to come back and change her mind and that DD could search for mom when she is 17. Now she wants to be mom do you think she has a right? 

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on May. 13, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (23)
  • Isn't it that the birth Mom has one year to changer her mind then it's final? Call the Attorney you used for the adoption & ask.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:38 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • I think your child should know who her mother is. As I stated in the other post if the mom is clean and sober. I think you should introduce "mom" but not as her mother. Have her be a long lost friend or a cousin until you know she isn't going to up and disappear from her life and hurt her.
    There is a difference between your adoption and other adoptions. You're married to her father and yes the bio signed over her rights but she was a druggie maybe back then she thought she was doing the right thing and it wasn't she wanted nothing to do with her child but she wanted her child to have a good family and not be around drugs. I think you should give it a shot.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 1:39 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • LostSoul-I don't find it different from other adoptions we handled it the same way through a contract. If you believe she should be able to just walk right back into my DD's life then so shouldn't all the other parents who have put children up for adoption? 

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:43 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • no the only case would be if she signed over her rights under duress or she was for some reason incapable of making a legal choice.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:46 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • I think all adoptive children have a right to know where they came from and its up to the CHILD to decide if they want to know and choose to met their bio family. Not the adoptive family.
    Only case where the adoptive child shouldn't be any where near bio family is if abuse was invovled
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 1:48 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • Dardenella- She came to me and brought up the adoption and I made it very clear for her to think about it because I wanted a closed adoption. I didn't want to risk parenting DD and then bio decides to come walk back into her life. So she was full aware of the stipulations.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:49 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • LostSoul88-Yes children should get to know where they come from and meet bio parents once they reach a certain age.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:56 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • What do you want us to say? You keep posting, you don't like our answers.
    Call your attorney. This woman has no legal rights, so this shouldn't be an issue.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:01 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • You just don't realize that there are somethings in an adoption that you CAN'T control. You have no way of stopping Bmom from going to school activities & talking to her. You can't control what others say to your daughter. She will always be your daughter but you have to realize that a part of her will never belong to you. I realized that a long time ago with my own that I adopted. They always had questions about their past lives and this was with a bmom that was into drugs, abandoned them, came back, abandoned again, etc. I had to think about alot of things and I decided that I would rather be in control of things rather then letting someone else control it. With my 2 their bmom died 3 months after they were placed with us but they still had a gma who loved them and a baby sister. Because I was open to it my daughters have always loved and respected me for letting them know their past. They were 5, 6 & 7 & they wanted answers
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 2:09 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • Who decides that certain age? Some kids can handle it very well. She already knows she's adopted so i see no harm in her learning who her mother is.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 2:16 PM on May. 13, 2013

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