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2 Bumps

Girl attitude

my daughter is going to be 9 in 3 months and im already getting the little attitudes. for example, the dirty looks, stomping away, mumbling under the breath, and the one I hate the most, body language. I know its probably the wonderful change of life and hormones or whatever but the point is my husband and I want to make it vey clear that none of it is tolerated. we have talked to her we have been completely calm while she throws her fit hoping that it shows her that it doesn't bother us which it doesn't, she can throw a fit all day if she wants but its the disrespect while we are talking to her about something that she doesn't want to do or doesn't like the answer to. as soon as we leave the room she can go ahead. but while we are standing there she stares through us with her arms crossed hip popped out and foot turned. IS THERE A MIRACLE CONSEQUENCE OR PUNISHMENT TO MAKE THE ATTITUDE STOP ALTOGETER WHEN WE ARE TALKING TO HER?

Answer Question
 
wifey000175554

Asked by wifey000175554 at 2:48 PM on May. 13, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 15 (1,898 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Tell her to lose the attitude or she will lose (insert privelege here)

    If she doesn't stop, take the above named away.

    If it continues, heighten the consequence.

    Thats what my mom did to me and it always worked lol :)

    Good luck!
    MomNbabyGirl009

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 2:53 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • What she is showing you is a total lack of respect for you and your husband. It's going to be pretty hard to start teaching her that at the age she is now. That needs to start very early on, and playing catch-up is never easy. I will tell you that it's not going to get any better as she approaches and enters the teen years, so you need to figure something out and pretty quickly. She's getting close to the end of the age for spanking, but in this case, I might give it a try. She is certainly old enough to understand rules and consequences and what respect and obedience mean. You might also try taking away everything in her room except 2 changes of clothes. I remember Dr. Laura Schlessinger recommending this for disrespectful teens, so it might be a little drastic for a 9-year old. I would try almost anything to break this very bad habit though or your life is going to be miserable for the next 10 or so years!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:00 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • Yes there is. It is called motherhood. Generally it becomes more clear as your own child grows older.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:02 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • What I do with my daughter and stepson is to say when the snipping starts, "Would you like to rephrase what you just said more respectfully?" That lets them know that I've noticed the attitude and don't like it, and often they'll back up then and there and get more civil. If they don't, I walk away. I don't rant and scold about it; that's pointless. But the next time they want something extra, not basic necessities like dinner on the table and clean laundry, what I mean is privileges like a trip to the park or the hot tub, or a dish of ice cream, or extra time to stay up so they can finish what they're doing, I just say "No, I felt very disrespected earlier when I asked you to do something and you huffed and stomped, so I'm not feeling inclined to go out of my way for you right now. We'll try again tomorrow." End of discussion, but they see the natural consequences of their attitude. Takes time, but it really works.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:36 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • I like what Ballad said, but she has way more patience than I do when it comes to that kind of stuff. I agree w/ MomNBaby about an immediate consequence or loss of privilege. I usually give an "Excuse me?! Who do you think you're talking to?" phrase whenever I get the attitude. And I will refuse to discuss the matter any further while they are acting that way. Fortunately, my 11 y/o will come to me about 15 mins later & give me a hug & say she's sorry. Whatever you do, just stay consistent, b/c it will only get worse the closer she gets to the teen years! GL

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:51 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • When my boys would get a little lippy I'd tell them I don't hear them. Then I wouldn't hear them. Not when they wanted a ride, or money, or a snack, etc. They quickly learn that life is no fun when mamma isn't listening
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 6:18 PM on May. 13, 2013

  • I usually got a backhander for bad attitude. l only got whacked a couple of times before l caught on. Give that a try....
    petamarie

    Answer by petamarie at 7:28 AM on May. 14, 2013

  • "Translate" what she's communicating to you in those moments. Make space for the feelings those postures & behaviors are expressing, so that the feelings aren't forbidden or unwelcome (taboo) in your home & family. If you do this, you are beginning a process of modeling how to feel & express the full range of human emotions, and how to express "challenging" ones respectfully. She will begin to grow up emotionally if you respond in this way, and you will be showing her unconditional love in the process.
    Give yourself a lot of compassion for what you are doing (basically, struggling to regulate your OWN emotions instead of "reacting" when you feel triggered, or when your buttons get pushed in those ways!), work to hear the emotions implicit in those primitive communications, and acknowledge them aloud. Reflective listening gives you a constructive way to respond to the behaviors in the moment that they happen.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:23 AM on May. 14, 2013

  • One key is that recognizing her perspective, perceptions, opinions & feelings does NOT imply agreement. You aren't determining whether or not she's "right" about something, just seeing how she feels & how this makes sense given her perspective.
    An example would be recognizing that a certain rude response or opposition (passive or direct) could express that she feels pushed around. Seeing this & acknowledging this feeling wouldn't mean "agreeing" that you are, indeed, bossing her around, and accepting blame or guilt. It's not that kind of either/or (either she's wrong, or you are.) It's creating space for how she feels, rather than judging how she feels as valid or not.
    Taking the struggle (against feelings & perceptions) out of the equation helps IMMENSELY. It's easy not to recognize all the ways we tend to resist people's feelings & struggle against them. But generally there are lots of instances with kids!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:30 AM on May. 14, 2013

  • Ugh. Sounds like my daughter. I have found that letting her "vent" about whatever she thinks the problem is and then following up with my reasoning for whatever the situation has helped her calm down about some things. Taking her iPod or not allowing her special things, such as sleep overs/play dates, has awoken an understanding in her that if she behaves that way, she will not get the things she wants. Period. She can throw a tantrum, but will not be rewarded in any way. I tell her I don't expect her to agree with us or be happy about things all of the time, but she has to learn to control herself and the proper way to argue her point. She's testing her grounds, trying to find out where she fits in and how far she can push it. Hopefully these lessons will carry through or Lord help us in the teen years!
    khedy

    Answer by khedy at 1:08 PM on May. 16, 2013

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