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4 Bumps

Reasons for this issue? adult content

I thought i'd ask you ladies (perhaps PGA will chime in :)
I have a family member who came to me to ask my help figuring out her problem.
She and her husband are both 24. She says that he is only interested in sex once a week at the most,and they have gone up to a month without having it.
She says he only wants to go at one speed.....slow. She says sometimes that's nice,but sometimes you just want a good pounding,KWIM?
When she has hopped on top and tried to speed up,he gets mad and says he doesn't like it like that,and he'll push her off.
She's tried to ask him what he wanted to do,what does he want,and he'll just say,"I'm happy with what we're doing", but SHE isn't,and she's getting very frustrated,and has to take her orgasm into her own hands.
She has tried making it all about him,if that's what he's wanting,and he hardly ever gets her off 1st. He expects her to just climax from the intercourse.
I asked her if he had a porn addiction,and she says no.
Any ideas?

 
butterflyblue19

Asked by butterflyblue19 at 7:09 AM on May. 14, 2013 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Personally I think it's all about communicating with each other and talking about likes and dislikes in the bedroom. I don't think it's normal at that age to only have sex once a week at the most unless there are other issues going on. If talking doesn't work then maybe they should think of counseling. I'm 22 and I know that if we only did it once a week I'd be wondering what's going on with him. Good luck, Claire
    GarysWife1991

    Answer by GarysWife1991 at 7:49 AM on May. 14, 2013

  • Not when it pushes him into uncomfortable, or painful, territory. My ex was *super* sensitive, and picking up the pace was not possible. It was so painful for him he would lose his erection. Maybe picking up the pace is physically uncomfortable for this guy. Based to the reaction you described it's a pretty good possibility.

    Yes, he should talk to her about it, but it's hard for guys. They wrap their egos into their performance, and if they feel cornered they get defensive. It's a huge wall to get over, and not a lot of guys can do it.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 8:55 AM on May. 14, 2013

  • He should see a doctor. There could be a medical reason for his low sex drive. If nothing is found, she's going to have a hell of a time trying to resolve the issue. Especially if she's already tried and he didn't respond well to it. Sex is not a priority to him. You can't teach that, and he shouldn't be pushed into a sex life he's not comfortable with.

    A woman wouldn't be expected to have sex with her mate in a way she's not comfortable with, and he deserves the same respect.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 8:23 AM on May. 14, 2013

  • Has she actually talked to him about this? Or is she just trying to physically change things (climbing on top, etc.)? If she hasn't used words to express to him that this bothers her and she wants it to change, she can't really expect him to realize it's a problem. I mean, yes, I admit, you'd think he'd noticed what she's trying to do - but let's be real, men aren't always the most observant creatures.

    We could all speculate all day long on all the reasons why this could be, but he's the only one who really knows the reason(s) why he does this. So she really needs to just sit down with him and talk about it. Once she does that, and hopefully gets some answers, then they can work together to find a solution, or at least some middle ground.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:35 AM on May. 14, 2013

  • My first thought was that they have a lot of debt & it's weighing heavy on his mind. He may be so worried about bills that he just cannot relax & focus. Then I'd ask her if it was different before they married. Does she work? Ask her in a round about way how finances are.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 8:05 AM on May. 14, 2013

  • Depression maybe? Or is it actually causing him pain? Or is he just a controlling selfish asshole? Has it always been this way?
    Or another thought, does he show signs of cheating (being gone often, locked cell etc)?
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 10:41 AM on May. 14, 2013

  • It sounds to me like he's just lazy. He wants what he wants, doesn't care if she's satisfied.
    THIS is why they don't have sex more than once a week, or up to a month.
    Laundry doesn't get me off, and I dread doing it. Her sex life life is like laundry, so she's going to avoid it!

    I'm less inclined to agree with some of the other theories posted here (debt, stress, medical issues, etc) because they are more likely to lead to ED or pre-mature ejaculation.

    She has to communicate that this is something she really wants. Has it always been this way? I mean, if they were incompatible sexually she should have known that before now, right?

    Bad sex can be a dealbreaker!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:23 PM on May. 14, 2013

  • Sexual abuse in his past? That was the first thing that came to my mind.
    amazinggrace83

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 12:23 PM on May. 14, 2013

  • This sounds like a lack of communication and possibly a deeper issue from a past relationship. It could be physically irritating to him but that is rare. I would suggest they talk to his doctor together and see if he will recommend counseling forcommunication and possibly marital interaction.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:11 PM on May. 14, 2013

  • Ok, how long have they been together? Are they married? How long has this been going on.
    If she can not deal with this for the rest of her life. Time for her to find another guy.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:51 PM on May. 14, 2013

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