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2 Bumps

Can't move on...need advice

I was with a guy for 6 years. We have 2 kids together. He broke up with me because he wanted to find someone better , a girl who would do the things I didn't. Throughout this breakup he is blaming me for everything. He is also playing with my emotions. One moment he will say oh I want to work it out with you and he will come "do stuff" with me then after he leaves the next day he seems disgusted with me. He also demands that he wants joint custody, visitation every weekend and he will get them insurance through his work but he won't pay child support. He says he doesn't have the money to pay for both insurance and child support so its one or the other but not both. There is a part of me that wants to still be with him mostly because of our history together and we have a family, but I don't like the way he is being towards me an not wanting to help with the kids. I want advice on how to get over him and move on. He's made it very clear he don't want to be with me ever again (but still wants poa). I'm just tired of feeling like I'm on a roller coaster.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on May. 16, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Consult an attorney to work out child support and visitation. You don't talk to him until those things are set in writing. And once those things ARE set, you only talk to him inasmuch as you need to about the kids. You talk to him about NOTHING else.

    And tough luck for him... he will be ordered to provide support. You might be able to skip insurance from him, if there's something for your kids available through your state. And in a few months the Affordable Care Act kicks in as well.

    Get your legal ducks in a row. He's not worth your emotional time. So get the legals set for the sake of your kids.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:35 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • Focus on your kids, let court handle the rest. When he calls if it's about anything other than the kids, the call is over. Pick up and drop off in a public place so there's no chance of an accidental "sleep over".

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:53 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • Stop having sex with him. The courts will make him pay child support and provide insurance.

    Answer by missanc at 6:19 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • Stop sleeping with him - that solves the roller coaster and being used. As far as child support and insurance, go to court. A judge can decide if he can afford both or not. If a judge decides he can, then he has no choice, and you don't have to worry about being the one to try to force it.

    Quit talking to him for any other reason than kid-related ones. Anything that does directly relate to the kids is off the table for discussion. Period. Tell him that and then stick to it.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:50 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • Don't listen to his BS. The state will determine what child support he will have to pay and, that he will also cover insurance.

    Answer by 3libras at 9:17 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • Call your local ORS office. They will court order BOTH child support and insurance. He doesn't get to choose one or the other.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:51 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • I would get a job and take care of myself and children. Even when the court orders child support and other medical support, too many men fail to follow the order and he sounds like one who will not follow thru.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:54 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • Best way to move on is to start dating new people. It doesn't have to be serious dating but just hanging out to do things together. Maybe even see more than one person or just make a new friend with potential for dating. Out of sight, out of mind really does work. Unless it has to do with the kids, just don't respond to him. It may even help to turn off your phone at certain times so you can't be bothered. I think you're both so used the habits of being together or even the emotional rollercoaster you both go on together. It doesn't mean it's love.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:30 AM on May. 17, 2013

  • I know how hard it can be to move on, especially when a child is involved and in case two of them. YOu have to let the case worker for the case on the custody order make those decisions. ANd, don't sleep with him anymore. HE is just being emotionally abusive and I wouldn't stand for that.
    good luck!

    Answer by Sillylins at 1:14 PM on Jun. 4, 2013

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