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2 Bumps

What should be the proper punishment?

My 14 year old son has been hanging out with new friends. I told him I wanted to meet them. Yesterday he had them come over and go swimming. They were here a couple of hours and seemed fine. I had to leave and pick up my older son, so I told him that his friends had to leave. He asked if he could go with them and I said yes, be home by 8:00. I got home about an hour later and he was home already. About 9:00 there was a knock at my door and a mother and her daughter was at the door, and the girl was staggering drunk and threw up all over my house. Supposedly they begged him for alcohol and when I left he came back in and gave these 3 kids a bottle of vodka. He didn't drink with them, but he gave it to them because they kept asking. I normally don't even have alcohol, but this weekend we had a huge surprise party for my mom and this was what was left over.  How long would you ground him, I already took all electronics away last night, phone , computer, games, and he won't be allowed out of the house. He has never been in any major trouble before.

(UPDATE) The corporal from school called and I went down and talked to him for hours.  He read me the police report, and yes, they had the mother get her and take her home from the scene, but she brought her straight to my house.  The only one that will be in trouble is my son and the school corporal is in charge.  He told me in so many words after he interviewed my son, that two of these kids are major trouble and not to let my son near them, no details just warned. He said he has know doubt they used him and asked for the alcohol, and he knows my son is a good kid.  I am not in any trouble, and he's not sure what to do with my son yet I will find out tomorrow, the worse case scenario he will have to attend a preventative class.  He also said a whole summer grounding is ineffective, I told him I was thinking about two months, he said that was too much and doesn't work.  The goal is to make sure it doesn't happen again, and talked about how we do that. He also thought a month was too much, but I think that is what I am going to do.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on May. 16, 2013 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (44)
  • All of the above and that would be the last time he saw any of those other boys again. Can't stop who he sees at school but they would not be welcome in my home and I would forbid him from seeing them outside of school. To me it seems like they took advantage of your hospitality and your son went along with it because he wanted to feel liked and popular.
    AnonNdrag

    Answer by AnonNdrag at 9:45 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • My question is what kind of punishment are you going to mete out to yourself for trusting a 14-year old kid with people you don't know?. And telling him he has to be home by 8:00?? Children his age do not have the tools to make these kinds of decisions, so I think you should punish yourself for putting him in that position! I'm not excusing him for what he did, and a point needs to be made. But it should begin with your confessing to him that you trusted him far too much and that it won't happen again. The smart thing to have done would have been to have taken him with you when you had to leave.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:52 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • Oh Jesus! I would make his life miserable for a month at least. He would be cleaning and/or doing yard work from the time he got up in the morning until he went to bed at night for at least a week. Then he wouldn't leave the house for anything but school for another three weeks.

    Sometimes you have to make the punishment so rotten that they have no choice to remember the lesson for a good long time.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 9:41 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • A month. Nothing for an entire month. It's serious business that could have landed YOU in jail.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 9:42 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • I forgot, no tv, no cell phone, no computer... nothing electrical. And for kicks I might have him right a paper on the dangers of underage drinking.

    Yes... I am a mean mom!
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 9:43 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • I'm with the others on a month. He'd also be done hanging out with those kids. Oh, and the other parents would be getting a call, too - your kid was wrong for giving them the alcohol, but those parents should know their kids go around asking for it.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:53 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • In addition, I would come up with some other things he needs to do. Like write letters of apology to the mother and the other kid's parents as well. I would make him read a book on alcoholism and addiction and make him write a report on it. I might actually be tempted to even try to find someone that is in recovery to talk to him about the struggles they have had trying to kick their habit.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:58 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • Why did the mom of the girl bring her over to your house if she was so drunk she was throwing up on your carpet? If she's 14 and that drunk she needs to go to the hospital to be checked out and a police report needs to be filed. Yes it would have been against you & your son but it's what SHE should have done. Did you check with the other kids and see what kind of shape they were in? If you take a bottle of Vodka and divide it 3 ways it could easily kill a 14 year old.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 9:54 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • I think that's enough- the grounding form leaving though maybe a month

    the question is- WHY does he feel he needs to "buy" friends? I mean that's what it sounds like to me. I'd tell him those "friends" are no longer welcome at your home.
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:57 AM on May. 16, 2013

  • I would not ground him all summer. He already cleaned up the mess, had his electronics taken away and such.
    personally, I'd take that stuff for like a week- ground him from hanging out for a month and call it done. Also, no one over when parents are not home for the summer and have a very serious talk about the dangers of what happened.

    He is what? 14? and gave in to peer pressure from these kids. NOT good, but not ALL his fault either.
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:16 AM on May. 16, 2013