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2 Bumps

Respect

Now some of you know me and my DD's have major issues. She tells me I need to respect her, her DH, and her kids. LOL! Tell me ladies. If she does not respect me and my DH. How can I respect her and her family?
I guess I am a little comfused.

 
louise2

Asked by louise2 at 7:56 PM on May. 16, 2013 in Relationships

Level 42 (139,912 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Well respect only truly works if its mutual, if she doesnt respect you she cant expect respect in return and vice versa. If no ones respecting eachother sounds like there are unresolved issues that need to be adressed before being able to get to a point of being able to even think about establishing a road to respect, having said that I know nothing about the issues you and your daughter have, however I do know respect doesnt just happen, its built.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 2:36 AM on May. 17, 2013

  • By being the bigger person...?
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 7:57 PM on May. 16, 2013

  • Do you think she is too much like you so this may be why you two cannot get along?
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 8:04 PM on May. 16, 2013

  • well, how badly do you want a relationship with your daughter and grandchildren?
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:09 PM on May. 16, 2013

  • How can you respect her/her family if you don't feel respected by her? By not making your respect conditional, or contingent on her behavior. It's not the idea of "If you respect me, then I'll respect you." Consider the concept of respect being given, not "earned." It is about laying a foundation. Think big picture & realize it's a PROCESS, that you're GOING somewhere! Not stuck there.
    Make a point of taking her seriously. You can validate a person without "agreeing" with them. Validating them doesn't mean saying/feeling "Yes, that is true." It is recognizing that their feelings, thoughts & perceptions make sense given their point of view. Think about creating space for her thoughts & feelings, and her perspective!
    The less you engage her feelings & point of view as wrong or unfair (by defending or explaining yourself, arguing or accusing/attacking), the less defensive she'll need to be. That will make it easier, too.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:03 AM on May. 17, 2013

  • Have you tried listening to her complaints and grievances
    You may need to apologize to her about past pains in order for her to feel respect and more open to respecting you
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 8:08 PM on May. 16, 2013

  • I would back off from saying anything personal to her or her DH. Focus on having fun with your grandchildren.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 10:03 PM on May. 16, 2013

  • Someone has to take the initiative. You can't be petty and be tit for tat. Be the role model and hope that she reciprocates. If she doesn't, then you have the right to point out how she's being a hypocrite.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 12:51 AM on May. 17, 2013

  • Not knowing the conflicting issues makes it hard to offer any advice.
    I feel that you do not criticize a person's spouse or children or parenting, if you want to get along. I was asked how I could stand my DDIL (ex) and the answer was simply, she is my son's wife. His spouse is his choice and I love him, so I will do whatever I can to be welcoming and supportive for his sake.

    I do not offer advice without first asking if it is wanted or being invited.

    Since I am te elder, it is up to me to lead the way. I can only hope that they follow.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:59 AM on May. 17, 2013

  • I don't think you have ever respected your daughters from infancy to adulthood. With respect comes trust. I think they lost the trust a child has in a parent years ago.
    You weren't exactly a model parent by the things you've posted here, so if you want to get along, get off your righteous ass and make it happen!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 AM on May. 17, 2013

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