Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I deal with the guilt? adult content

After 4 years of marriage and 3 years living together before marriage my DH has changed into a person I can not stand. He is mean to the kids and all he does is constantly mope around and tell me I dont do enough for him. My son was disrespectfully talking to me the other day and I told him I will not stand for him treating me with such disrespect. His response was "Well why do you let (DH, his step dad) treat you that way?" My kids have such a resentment for him even my DD. They cant stand it when he comes home from his 2 week hitch.
He acts like a baby all the time, last week when he was home he wanted to buy a 4 wheeler, he said "You need to keep the Fucking kids away from it" It really hit home that I think he actually views the kids as "The F'ing Kids" Nothing I mean nothing I do makes him happy! I am just scared of leaving I fear that if I leave it will be war. And I still wont have peace.
When we get into a discussion about money or our relationship he gets louder and louder until he is screaming at me. He doesnt let me finish a sentence and last time we got into a heated argument when he was home he slammed the remote control down on the counter and it shattered part of it hitting me in the face. I left and he called me crying like a baby but as soon as I came back home he acted as if nothing had happend.

He always complains that I dont love him or show him love, so last time he was home I made a concious effort to try to show him. I made the first move in bed, and i didnt get a response so I went to sleep. He later woke up and woke me up with his hands in my pants, I responded and was very into it! Which normally I hate to be woke up for sex lol. Well the next day he was "weirded" out that I responded to him, and accused me of thinking he was someone else???? Really WTF
This is the kind of stuff that has been happening for 3 years and it just keeps getting worse and worse.

I just feel guilty for leaving, I do love him but I am not in love with the person he has become. Would you leave and how do I deal with the guilt??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on May. 17, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Yet you don't feel guilt for putting your children through a life with him treating them like shit??

    You have your priorities really screwed up.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 4:52 PM on May. 17, 2013

  • What guilt? He is treating you like shit and your kids are paying the price. There is nothing to feel guilty about for standing up for yourself and protecting your kids.

    Get out and get out now!

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 4:54 PM on May. 17, 2013

  • What does this all stem from? Financial problems, drugs, missing his bachelor years, extended family issues? What is the root cause do you think? I would have no guilt. My happiness & my kids happiness comes first if I was in a bad relationship. If you are happy then the kids are happy too. He needs to get his mind straight. Do you own your own home? If so then ask him to leave. If you rent then go stay with a family member with the kids for a while. GL :(

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:56 PM on May. 17, 2013

  • Hi! Time to go shopping for a new life!

    Answer by staciandababy at 5:11 PM on May. 17, 2013

  • If he's not willing to talk and work on things, or respect you and your children, then you shouldn't feel guilty at all!

    Answer by Hollyhock. at 5:14 PM on May. 17, 2013

  • 2 week hitch?
    What is that?

    Answer by feralxat at 5:18 PM on May. 17, 2013

  • What caused the change or has he always been like this and you just decided to notice?

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 6:10 PM on May. 17, 2013

  • How can you stay with someone who treats you like that? It must be money related.


    Answer by louise2 at 6:15 PM on May. 17, 2013

  • I think there is a lot there that needs help! I don't know that I'd leave because I can see everything you describe as happening for a reason that could be addressed & resolved if you guys had the right conditions (insight & support in the form of a good counselor/facilitator, in combination with motivation or personal incentive to work, heal & change.)
    What you describe sucks!
    I do think there are different ways to "be" in that relationship, that could influence how those situations unfold. Again, I think that potential is contingent on the right conditions, but it's possible.
    In terms of self-help books, you could look at one of Hal Runkel's "Scream Free" marriage books for a start. Counseling support (either individually or as a couple) probably would be most helpful. You are just two human beings who could use some support in extracting yourselves from some painfully dysfunctional relating patterns.
    But YES, do something!

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:15 PM on May. 17, 2013

  • I would have an ultimatum for him if it were me. I would say we either get into marriage counseling to figure out how to repair the damage or even IF it can be repaired, or I would leave. If for no other reason than to not keep teaching your kids that it's okay for anyone to be treated that way. That little comment from your DS should have been a huge wake up call. He gave you a gift by being brutally honest with you. Think long and hard about what kind of example you want to set for them.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 6:21 PM on May. 17, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.