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Dealing with EX stressed

I have been divorced 11 years. My kids with ex are 16 and 14 now, I also have a 3 year old with current husband, we have been together over 9 years. My ex has every other weekend, two weeks in summer, which he has only taken them in summer twice. My stress is that for almost the first 10 years my ex had no involvement with the kids except for his weekend, which he had to miss sometimes. We never fought over kids, because all he did was pick them up, drop them off, never in 10 years saw them in between or attended any activities, dr's ,school events, etc. Never once asked me about the kids, or only talks were can we switch weekends. For almost six years never even talked to them on phone in between visits. I have been the only parent for 10 years making decisions for my children. A little over a year ago I went after him for back support, in turn he is suing me for custody after 11 years. Now he is father of the year, he badgers all the time about school work, dr's, punishments. My son stayed home from school sick , and he wants to know why he wasn't notified, but all this involvement is via texts, and emails to his teachers. Before last year he never even stepped foot into either school. He told weird lies for his reasons for custody switch, that my lawyer says he has no basis, I know he really has no chance, but now I went from not dealing with him for 10 years, to he wants input on everything and, blaming me for not telling him anything. I tried to tell him things 10 years ago, he never cared or did anything, so that stopped for 9 years. Now I get weekly texts on why I'm not informing him. People say just start telling him things, but I find it hard after so long that I have to now, and I know why he is doing this now, to try and get his support lower, so every interaction with him is stressing me out to know end. I don't know how to handle the situation. Sorry for the long rant.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on May. 18, 2013 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I can't tell you the answer, though I am sorry you are going through this.
    If he wants school or sports activities reports I would tell him that he can get it from the school just as you do. Sports, tell him what they are playing and with which group. Send him the schedule when you first get it.
    If he wants to know when the kids are sick, tell him if it is serious enough to go to the doctor otherwise he can just chat with the kids about the news of their lives. That would be my stance but I am kind of that way.
    If you want to make it easy on yourself, give him a weekly or every two week report.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:27 PM on May. 21, 2013

  • I feel your pain. My ex was never involved when we were married but ever since we divorce he's over involved, wants copies of even like permission slips, has to be at all dr visits (and will change appts that I scheduled to suit his schedule), etc. I wish he would back off at least a little.

    Answer by missanc at 10:01 AM on May. 18, 2013

  • Do over kill on his ass. Every move the kids make. Text him about it. Like this.
    Kids just go out of bed and are getting ready for school.
    kids are eating breakfast.
    Son just went to the bathroom to use it.
    He pooped and stunk up the bathroom.
    DD started her period today.DD stubed her toed

    He want to know everything give it to him.
    If you never got him for back CS he would never have done this.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:01 AM on May. 18, 2013

  • Ignore him. He chose to go by the way of the court, so let the court handle it.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:02 AM on May. 18, 2013

  • The only reason he wants custody is so he won't have to pay the back support. Do not let him scare you. Honestly unless your kids want to go live with him, it won't happen.

    Answer by 3libras at 10:23 AM on May. 18, 2013

  • LOL that's what my mom said, we were joking and I said I'm going to text him that my son just farted. Not only am I stressed with all the concern, every time they get a zero or their grades drop a little, We can keep track of school on the computer. I am stressed because this is his basis and he's using it against me. Which my 16 year old is in the IB program which is the hardest program you can attend in High School. Now my younger son got into some trouble, and instead of dealing with it and worrying about my son, I get worried, what his father is going to say and do, to peruse even harder. I put in for a dismissal and they did nothing about it to try to get this case moving for 6 months, then filed again with more crazy reasons so he is using every little thing. When I say crazy reasons, I mean like i put the children in activities, without any concern for my ex's parenting time. weird things that r no reason

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:11 AM on May. 18, 2013

  • I would like to just ignore it, but the more he pursues and the further this goes, the more I have to keep paying my lawyer. I had to get a lawyer for this. He hired a lawyer to represent him in the back support, and I didn't have one and they ate me alive. This support case is still ongoing, isn't settled. Supposedly my ex's mother lent him the money for a lawyer to get custody, but he really wanted him for the back support, and is using the same lawyer for custody.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:17 AM on May. 18, 2013

  • I am usually a pretty calm non stressed person. It has been a stressful time for my husband and I. Right when he filed for custody last year, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, so I have been dealing with ex, chemo , radiation etc. It didn't work and the last scan shows it spreading and he said she has 2 to 3 months, so I am dealing with crazy ex and hospice on same day. We knew my moms prognoses was not that good so this Christmas, we were all concerned about making it good for my mother, when my mother n law called and told my husband something was wrong take me to the hospital. She has a strangulated hernia, and they did surgery on Christmas day, she came out of surgery on Life support and by new years eve she had died. Sounds crazy, and it is, now my 3 year old won't have any grandmothers to grow up with. Crazy . possibl


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:44 AM on May. 18, 2013

  • Stop freaking out about your EX. Keep doing what you are doing. If I were you I would stop looking at his text. Text him once a day. Like before bed. Unless their is something going on. Just tell him every thing is ok over here. If he asnwers back do not answer him.

    Answer by louise2 at 11:09 AM on May. 18, 2013

  • I know you say stop freaking out, but the longer this goes on, the more money I need , the more my lawyer wants. This could get very costly, and for what. I know these things can take years, my kids will be grown by then. I know he can't win, but I still have to go through the fight. I shouldn't worry about money, but I'm not rich by any means, so it is a strain. My husband doesn't think I need a lawyer, because he has no case, and I'm to afraid to do this without one, so that is just an added stress.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:26 AM on May. 18, 2013