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I feel bad

I feel exhausted, trapped, frustrated, lost...I know part of it my own depression, tiredness, loneliness, but it also the relations with my husband. He is mostly spends his time at work, when he comes home he only finds how disorganized our house is and how many things are not in place. Then he eats, never asks us how I and my daughter doing, never tells us a thing about his day. We never speak about anything, he grabs his i-pad and i my computer and that is it. Then he leaves to sleep.

Today when I called him, he told me that I call only when I need something and I better to tell him what i need, I told him I just returned his call...

Yesterday he told that I forced my daughter to participate in Olympics (last year she had misfortune in those games), he refused to drive us there, but my daughter had so much fun and actually won second place... All other families came together, they cheered for their children and for my daughter it did not happen...

We do not have normal conversations...I dread going to open house at school with him, he never at school, ever, he does not involved in any way...all he cares is his work...

Maximum on Saturday he goes with our daughter to park or shopping, we do not have common interests or do anything, but shopping together...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:04 AM on May. 21, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • I can understand why you feel lonely. Have you talked to your husband about how you feel and why? How old is your daughter?
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:13 AM on May. 21, 2013

  • You both need to get couple's counseling if you can afford it. However, if you can't afford it, I would suggest that you take the initiative in making things better. He might not be strong enough to take the lead, so you will have to. That means asking him about his day, having a conversation w/him about what his expectations are and letting him know yours as well, finding out what would make him happy (an hours to himself every day to de-stress?), getting yourself a part-time job, joking with him and being lighthearted (which might be contagious and lighten his mood) and trying to keep the house more organized. Taking a little extra time to clean before he gets home is a small price to pay to keep the relationship happy. You both have to compromise some things. He probably feels your depression, too, and can't handle it. You need to take care of your depression by watching motivational videos on youtube
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:15 AM on May. 21, 2013

  • Counseling. And if he dares to make a comment about the house, tell him he needs to pick up a MOP. I don't care if you're a SAHM. It takes more than one person to make the mess and more than one to clean it. (I might hide the iPad under a pile somewhere and tell him he needs to pitch in with the cleaning if he wants to find it.)
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:26 AM on May. 21, 2013

  • Have you ever asked him what you can do to make things better? It sounds to me like he has given up on the situation and has withdrawn. This is how hurting men deal with their pain. If all the blame for the state of your marriage has been placed on him, he will never discuss with you because he doesn't want to hear how it's all his fault. Marriage problems are always 2-sided so look for and own your share of the blame and work on fixing that part. You will be surprised at how much that will help.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:40 AM on May. 21, 2013

  • it sounds like the 2 of you need counseling together.
    MooNFaeRie30

    Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 7:25 AM on May. 21, 2013

  • Hon, welcome to my world... it's not like that all the time around here, but enough to be annoying... Dh worked nights or was otr for the last few yrs. He recently got a local job that has him home every evening, & I hear often enough, about what a pig sty the house is, even though i seem to be picking up & cleaning all day, but w/ 4 kids it never seems to make a dent... I used to get upset that I had to do all the conferences, concerts, etc on my own too, dh just wasn't into it, but then I just got used to it, & now I leave the younger ones home w/ him, while I actually get to go & pay attention to what's going on... You do need to get a handle on your depression though, because it doesn't affect just you, & you need to have a serious talk w/ dh on what needs to change, & what he's willing to do as well to work w/ you to make things better. Hope you are able to work it out, & get more positive support fr. him, as well as
    HappyEndings

    Answer by HappyEndings at 8:05 AM on May. 21, 2013

  • making him feel happier, & more in tune w/ you & your child!! Sorry you're going through this, I know it's hard & feels hopeless at times, but you've got to try to get things ironed out, for you & your dh's sanity & for your child as well!! Wish you the best! *hugs*
    HappyEndings

    Answer by HappyEndings at 8:07 AM on May. 21, 2013

  • I am not staying home mom, I work two days a week, and my work requires a long commute of 150 miles one way, in these two days I teach full load of classes and sometimes come home late too. No matter how hard I clean he always find something to yell at me or throw away (if it si not in place). He doesn't eat my food, often preparing staff for himself. He does care about us and does love his daughter, but not in a way that helps her develop right, teach her something or so... He doesn't want to go to counselling, he thinks this is bullshit...He is introvert and does not generally shares much, even with his parents, sometimes he tells mean things to his parents or withdraw from them as well. He might suffer from depression too. I don't pay much attention to details, but he does, sometimes I do not see what is not organized or it does not bother me, but it does him. He does do a lot of housework around...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:14 AM on May. 21, 2013

  • I do mostly care for our daughter, school and after school activities, help her with homework, volunteer at school, find and donate money to school. We live in upper class neighborhood when majority of the people have their own mansions, while we rent a small apartment. This affect our social life a great deal, we cannot invite anyone for dinner, majority of parents do not let their children to go to play dates to that small apartment, usually I have to find fun activity outside and bring children there. Most often than not I do play dates, but my daughter is not called back, because of the leaving arrangement. I begged my hubby to move to bigger apartment in slightly better (but of course more expensive) neighborhood, but he refused He refuses a pet, even hamster for our daughter, stating that no one will take proper care of it...He is very tired from his work, and this work extremely demanding, ..
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:24 AM on May. 21, 2013

  • my be even consuming ALL my hubby's mental resources, he is nervous because he preparing documents for tenure and it heart breaking thing. Sigh..This semester I taught four classes and got very tired, third grade demanded project every month and I got
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:26 AM on May. 21, 2013

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