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2 Bumps

How do I deal with my adult step son and and his symthatic father

I have a 25yr old stepson. His mother left him on our porch last year around easter time. I have always told the kids that where their father is, is their home, but I am regreting it everyday. SS doesn't really concern himself with anyone but himself. He eats all the food, uses other peoples things, breaks everything, and says the most outlandish things around his 7yr old 1/2 sister. He has to be the victim in every sititution and likes to make other memeber of the family mad, then sulks when they retaliate. When I talk to my husband he says "he's my son" . The boy works part time and drinks his money (after rent) away on weekends. His bio-mom is a bad influence and ruins all the good he IS doing. When he comes back he useless. He just refuses to see anyone elses point of view or consider their feels. he will say all the right things to get himself out of trouble then DO the wrong thing again. I need him out of my house!

Answer Question
 
ml032206

Asked by ml032206 at 4:29 PM on May. 23, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Sounds like he should be living on his own, but unless your husband tells him that, you are stuck. You have no power in this, so all you can do is kindly plead your case. You could also put locks on the frig and pantry.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:42 PM on May. 23, 2013

  • Army ASAP!
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:48 PM on May. 23, 2013

  • Why is he only working part time? Does he have any type of plan to ever get out on his own? You need to talk to him about goals/plans and your husband needs to set some house rules that he either follows or he moves out.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 5:06 PM on May. 23, 2013

  • Sounds like he has a narcissistic personality. That's a difficult one to deal with! Time to set boundaries and expectations, talk you dh about all of this so you get his buy in, put your foot down with ss and get your sanity back!
    daylily888

    Answer by daylily888 at 5:33 PM on May. 23, 2013

  • Honestly you can't leave a 25 year old on someone's porch, besides after what you describe who could blame the bio mom.

    Without Dad being on board there isn't much you can do. If it were my kid he'd have to be in college or trade school full time. Otherwise he needs a full time job. If that didn't work I'd leave him on Grandma's porch at Christmas time. Tag your it and run.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:12 PM on May. 23, 2013

  • what else does your husband say? Has he talked to his son about being respectful in the home, learning a trade, going to or back to college, as well as trying to find a fulltime job?
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 7:07 PM on May. 23, 2013

  • I think you need to talk to your husband. I would differentiate between your actual issue (the problems you have with the situation, your feelings & your needs) and your strategies or solutions for resolving it (step son out of the house.)
    Your husband's response suggests that he feels backed into a corner or a tight spot, as if he is trying to answer your preferred solution. Speaking personally will help.
    It's like the difference between stating feelings & stating thoughts/beliefs or solutions/strategies about a situation. If you can take the words "I feel" off the sentence and it's still a sentence then you are stating a thought/opinion not a feeling. (I feel you are being unfair, I feel you need to..., I feel this is unreasonable, etc.)
    People typically react defensively, resist (even when they state "agreement" with you & even actually agree) & feel coerced/controlled when you "build a case" for your position.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:53 AM on May. 24, 2013

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