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Do i have a control issue?

I see other parents be so calm and easy going about "going with the flow" with their children but i cant bring myself to do it! My son always argues with me and never does things when I say its so annoying. I tell him what were doing and the order we'll do it in and he doesnt care. Nothing ever gets done like it's supposed to. I'm always telling myself to calm down and be more flexible ...maybe im too controlling?

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Asked by luckyme_213 at 4:44 PM on Feb. 17, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • I know I was controlling. It is my nature. It took a considerable effort to relax more. But something I didn't relax about wast that I was in charge and not the child. At least I was consistent.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:47 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • How old is your son? Some of his rebellion could be due to age, but like what above mom said...CONSISTENCY is key-no matter the age.

    Answer by mommytofive303 at 4:52 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I recommend reading -

    raising our children, raising ourselves.

    Answer by keyaziz at 4:53 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • He's 4. i know alot of it is his age but i'm starting to feel like im following him around saying NO NO NO all the time even though he knows better

    Answer by luckyme_213 at 4:57 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • If he knows better then what is his consequence for doing the behavior? I agree that consistency is the key. He should be made aware of the consequences for his behavior and then it should be consistently carried out.

    Answer by mazonmom at 5:19 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • The thing that is keeping me sane is to give my daughter choices, but I make her choose between two things that I'm OK with. This morning, when she woke up too early and wanted to go downstairs for a snack, I gave her two choices: rock to sleep in the chair with mommy or go back into her crib by herself. She chose the former, and she stopped asking for the snack. By giving her choices (do you want to eat this or that? Read this or that? Go for a walk or play inside?), I'm letting her feel as if she has more control over her life, so she fights me a little less. By giving her choices, I'm also distracting her from whatever it is that she is being annoying about.

    Answer by evwsquared at 5:50 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • Are you TELLING him to do something or ASKING him? Huge difference and they know it.

    What are the consequences when he doesn't do as he's told? Do you threaten or follow through immediately?


    Answer by TiccledBlue at 6:26 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • i always follow through with discipline and i try asking nicely the first few times. And i also give choices sometimes but i have kinda given up on that one cuz now he thinks he can give me choices and it just causes more grief then good. I get frustrated because i fell ike im not in control he doesnt care what i say anymore. I've never spanked before but maybe that would be my only choice? i have no idea what to do

    Answer by luckyme_213 at 6:31 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I agree with evwsquared- giving your child choices, not only does it prepare him for his teen and adult years, it helps him feel in control of something and you aren't continually fighting battles.
    I started doing it with my 2 year old and it's helped me relax a lot.
    Check out Parenting with Love and Logic. It's a great parenting tool.

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 6:35 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

  • I agree with ticcledblue. If you come off like a dictator you will get resistance. If you approach things as if you are including them or requesting their help, you will get a lot farther. If you are ordering him around and expecting him to just comply then perhaps you are a bit controlling but nothing you cant correct or change a bit to get better results. There should also always be a consistant consequence to not behaving (within reason).

    Answer by NorahSethsMommy at 7:44 PM on Feb. 17, 2009

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