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2 Bumps

Do you feel that arguing with your spouse when your children are home is a big mistake? Not++

when they are in the same room necessarily, but sometimes they might overhear a heated exchange. I'm not talking about a huge raging argument, which I've rarely had with my DH, but sometimes the nagging stressors make us snipe at each other. Example: our garage is such a disaster, but my DH has no time to clean it (it's his extra stuff from his business), so if I address it, we can't come up with a plan to get it done. Or sometimes we are negotiating bill payments and that is sometimes stressful, esp. if it's been a less than lucrative week (self employed). We don't live on easy street...both lost our jobs a few years ago and have taken respective pay cuts.
Sometimes I feel that children should know that real life includes conflict even though 2 people love each other, and they work things out. Other times I think we need to just not raise our voices ever.
Do you think it is damaging, or part of life that older children (teens) can handle?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:21 AM on May. 25, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Constantly fighting around the kids is not a good thing. But having disagreements is ok. As long as they see you end a disagreement.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:26 AM on May. 25, 2013

  • No, it won't harm them. It's not like you guys are pummeling each other. I'm willing to bet they've seen worse in school.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 8:26 AM on May. 25, 2013

  • Children need to know that the occasional disagreement/conflict is a normal, healthy party of relationships - when handled appropriately, of course. Yelling, screaming, name calling, hitting, etc. is NOT something they should see. But a disagreement, even if it's a bit heated, if it can be handled appropriately and resolved, can show them that it's normal and doesn't spell doom for a relationship. I do think you should try to take arguments in another room, especially if it's about them (they need to think you're united, even if you're not at the moment), but it's fine for them to know you don't always agree.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:28 AM on May. 25, 2013

  • Not as a steady diet, but kids need to see firsthand how people work problems out
    snookyfritz

    Answer by snookyfritz at 9:36 AM on May. 25, 2013

  • And they need to see resolution
    snookyfritz

    Answer by snookyfritz at 9:36 AM on May. 25, 2013

  • Fighting around children is very stressful on the child no matter what age they are.
    rosaline2014

    Answer by rosaline2014 at 10:04 AM on May. 25, 2013

  • Both my husband and I grew up in homes with lots of conflict, yelling, and fighting. It sucks, and neither of us can stand being around fighting. When we disagree about something, we're both really calm and we talk. He lays out his point of view, I do the same, and we go with the one that is more logical.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 10:27 AM on May. 25, 2013

  • I believe it is good for children to witness their parents solving problems together. To never see disagreements between spouses leads to an unrealistic view of love and marriage. That being said, "fighting" is unacceptable whether it is witnessed by the children or not. This should serve as an encouragement to couples to work at resolving conflict without allowing it to become nasty.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:32 PM on May. 25, 2013

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