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2 Bumps

What's up with "Failure to Launch" Adult Children and their Enabling Parents?

We visited my husband's family, and I need to vent!

When my hubby and I first started dating in college, I never imagined 20+ years later his brother and sister would STILL be living at home with their parents! It's like "Never Land" over there!

My brother-in-law is in his early 40's. He's done a lot of drugs/alcohol, and is a classic underachiever. He works pumping gas just to have spending money. His mom cooks his meals and does his laundry. When he's home, he's watching TV or playing video games.

My sister in law is in her mid 40's and is a single mom. She was dating a alcoholic, had unprotected sex(She believes using birth control is a sin, but I guess premaital sex is ok!LOL), and got pregnant, when she was around 30. She became the "Family Martyr". (I am sooo sick of hearing about how the bum took advantage of her! She chose to engage in reckless sex! UGH!) She comes and goes as she pleases. Her parents basically are raising her child. She has a professional job, but wastes her money on $800 purses, plastic surgery, gambling, etc. Her child has become a spoiled, entitled brat. Grandma and Grandpa dote on him, because he doesn't have a dad in his life. They are creating another monster!

These two adult children pay $25 dollars a week rent, and all the rest is disposable income. They live like overgrown teenagers! I get angry, because my husband and I both work hard, and our money goes on BILLS! I wish I had 1/2 their disposable income! (I would LOVE to be able to afford a new car and exotic vacations!!) However, I wouldn't trade places with them. They are both unhappy, lonely people!

MY SIL will complain about how she has no say in raising her kid, and can't meet a decent guy-HELLO-Maybe it's time to move out and take control of your life!

Seriously, these two seem stunted emotionally, and I don't understand why my in-laws don't encourage them to be self-reliant. They're stagnating! This is no kind of life for two adults. I would be upset if my children were like this, and encourage them to fly!

Does anyone else have family members like this? Thanks for listening!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:17 AM on May. 26, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • No. When my kids turned 18 I encouraged them to get the heck out then moved in a tiny apt so they wouldn't come back! lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:21 AM on May. 26, 2013

  • I don't in my immediate family but I have two cousin's who are the same way. one is nearly 40 and the other in mid 30's. Both live off the parents the younger(a women) has four kids that mostly supported by welfare and mom and dad.

    The parent's get something out of it as well, they get to feel needed and useful. they don't want an empty nest and are afraid to "kick them out of the nest" for fear that they will get hurt or die(even if that is an unrational thought or not).
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 2:22 AM on May. 26, 2013

  • They are absolutely enabling, esp with the $25 rent a week!!! They should be paying for way more than that at that age, they will get a shock if anything happens that they arent able to live with mum and dad anymore!
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 3:18 AM on May. 26, 2013

  • My cousin used to be like that until my aunt and uncle got sick of it. He was twenty four and worked at Burger King, didn't support his child (although he did take care of her when she visited and didn't expect his parents to do it). His mother cleaned his room, did his laundry, cooked his meals, and paid his bills. He coasted through high school and dropped out of college because he didn't want to do the work. He brought home pets and kept them until he got tired of them (or his puppies/kittens ceased to be cute) and then he put them out on the streets or took them to the pound. My aunt used to tell my mother that she was to strict with us, because we were taught to take care of ourselves, but she finally saw reality. His mother kicked him out and, when he finally begged to come home, she let him but only if he straightened up and started taking care of himself. Now he is back in college and has his own apartment
    Razzle_Dazzle1

    Answer by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 7:07 AM on May. 26, 2013

  • Ugh... My mom's side did. That's why I moved... to get away from all that shit.

    It's a no go in this family. Kids get a job and get their own place....
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:10 AM on May. 26, 2013

  • I'm all for helping out family in hard times, but what's going on with your husband's parents and their overgrown kids is pure enabling. It hurts everyone involved. Look at the productive adult lives the chronic adult teenagers are missing out on.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:23 PM on May. 26, 2013

  • I have a 25 year old son that is a musician, hard field to make it on your own......but he works 40 hours a week, has a degree in something other than music and is living at home, paying his way for his own things, and a darling of a son otherwise. He is now saving his money to get a place of his own, he has no plans to stay with us indefinitely but he knows he is welcome in his home as long as he needs us. Your scenario is a lot different, and they have done harm to their children by allowing this..my son does not pay me rent, but he doesn't throw his $ away on frivolous stuff either, he is saving to emancipate, whic is a good sign to me. The only reason he doesn't give us anything is because we don't need the $, we are well off and can provide, but if things were different he would.

    older

    Answer by older at 9:58 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • Is there anything I could say to the adult kids or parents to get them thinking.? I don t want to be offensive but it s hard watching this train wreck!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:09 PM on May. 28, 2013

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