Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Attitude adjustment....

I wanted to thank all you ladies who responded. It's NOT easy for me to type this but I realize that my attitude towards ss 21 has been wrong-if he truly is mentally ill, and I'm not at ALL qualified to determine that, then I've been looking at his actions through the wrong lens.

If on the other hand I was right and he's being manipulative, me working myself up and being an asshole makes me worse.

Thank you for helping me see, ladies.

Answer Question
 
purplerobin

Asked by purplerobin at 2:48 AM on May. 26, 2013 in Relationships

Level 19 (6,416 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Thank you because I truly wasn't trying to be mean. Even at 21, he's still a child who needs guidance from someone.
    If I were you, and his actions affected me this way, I would delete him from your facebook page.
    Sometimes it's best for both parties to not know everything. Less is better!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 3:09 AM on May. 26, 2013

  • It's just been really hard. I try not to think about it and move on, but then dh will say, "oh he's working, he's come a loooong way!" And it feels like he's working the system by working under the table, so all my negative feelings get brought right back up to the surface.

    I don't know how to get rid of the bitterness.
    purplerobin

    Comment by purplerobin (original poster) at 3:15 AM on May. 26, 2013

  • I'm not sure exactly how you will be able to move past(which is why I suggested seeing a counselor). My first suggestion would also be to sit down and talk with your husband..tell him you really need to not be in the loop about your SS unless it is absolutely necessary(like life and death). That i just upsets you but that he is more then free to carry on however he wants just doesn't need to share everything with you. Hopefully he will understand.

    Either way I think counselng would be the best bet.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 3:23 AM on May. 26, 2013

  • You tell yourself that step son is ill and be thankful he has an income coming in. Your husband is trying his damnedest to find a way to support him with encouraging words, which by the way, are meant to comfort him.
    I'm sure if you could read your DH's mind, you'll see he's struggling as well but doesn't vocalize it like you.
    It sounds like you have a wonderful family so focus on them.
    Life is a bitch and I truly do try to find the positive in every negative.
    Being bitter just causes bad health! High blood pressure for one. It's just not worth it.
    I know I don't walk in your shoes but I was always so grateful to those that helped me out when I was homeless and no where to go.
    Try it, it's enlightening and makes you feel so much better! Hang in there, believe me, there are a lot worst things in the world.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 3:24 AM on May. 26, 2013

  • Self-understanding is a helpful thing, and admitting shortcomings is as well. Good luck.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:17 PM on May. 26, 2013

  • hugsTurning your attention to your own children and dh would be a start. Just try to tune ss out as best you can. The bitter thoughts are robbing you of your joy. It's not worth that. Your bitterness can confuse your children. They can feel tension and think it has to do with them. Just let it go a little at a time.

    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:49 AM on May. 27, 2013

  • I truly know what your going thru my ss is 24 and had Schizophrenia and was mis diagnosed several years ago i was scared of him because of the way he acted around me! i have been the ones hes hated for so very long but now since hes on his right meds we actually sit and talk which is a good thing! Ive been with his dad for 19 years now and he finally realized i aint going no where!
    momof11995

    Answer by momof11995 at 3:00 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN