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How am I supposed to move on?

I'll try to sum this up lol. My ex and I have a very unusual custody arrangement. If I don't have her, then I am usually working. He has recently decided to take a vacation and two of the days he is gone are the two full days he normally has her and therefore I will have her (I have a very flexible job where I can take her to work). I on the other hand cannot ask him to be with her if for some reason if I have something going on when I have her. The only person I can ask is my mom (that's a whole different story). I have recently started seeing someone but its very hard for us to spend the day together due to our opposite schedules and I ALWAYS have her during the day on the weekend. I am not ok with bringing him around her right away so I am just wondering what other moms have done that have been in my situation. Please only advise if you have been where I am. Thank you.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on May. 27, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Well, I would ask you mom to watch her when you want to go out, or schedule time with him when you don't have her - maybe a lunch date during your work day or a breakfast date before work. If your schedules really conflict that much, then you might need to reconsider whether or not you really want to invest in this relationship. Your daughter and your job should be your priorities, and if you would have to find yourself neglecting those things to see this man, it might not be worth it.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 2:36 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • We also live in separate towns (an hour away). I probably should have mentioned that, if we lived in the same town it would be much easier. It makes me mad that my daughter's dad fought me on joint custody but constantly plans things when he is supposed to have her. I cannot deny having her those times or he will just find someone to be with her and she might as well be with her mom. Does that make sense?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:40 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • Well if you are saying that if she isn't with him that she might as well be with you, then when exactly are you going to spend time with this new love interest? At work? Sometimes you have to pick your battles and put yourself first once in a while.  Either let him worry about finding a babysitter for her if he has something planned for himself, or deal with her getting in the way of your personal adult time.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:57 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • < It makes me mad that my daughter's dad fought me on joint custody but constantly plans things when he is supposed to have her. >

    Wouldn't that be an issue to take back to the court? And who is "we," you and dad or you and the new guy? Just for clarification.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:13 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • How old is she? How about Preschool or Camp during the day & a baby sitter occasionally at night.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 3:18 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • We did mediation so I'm not sure how that works if we were to go back. Which "we" are you talking about? Lol. It's not really about this guy, it's more like I'm realizing that if I want to have any sort of personal time then I'm going to have to figure something out.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:23 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • I meant, who's in separate towns? You and dad, or you and the boyfriend? And if dad is dropping the ball, then it really should go back to mediation.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:29 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • I got a sitter for my kids when I went out on rare dates, just like married parents do when they want adult/personal time.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 5:36 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • It can be very difficult. I share custody with my ex as well. I've found it challenging to date, because my time is limited. And, even though I have my parents, I don't feel right not only bringing my son around, but having them watch him, so I miss out on alot of potential dates because I don't have as much time as a person that doesn't have a child. I' know it can be difficult, I guess only you can decide what you feel you can do with your current person you are seeing. good luck!
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 9:30 AM on May. 28, 2013

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