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3 Bumps

Thoughts.? adult content

About a year ago I found out that my boyfriend of two years had sexual intercourse with a 17 year old when he was 28 just 2 months before he met me. I found out by cleaning up his room, and he had a bunch of junk under his bed, and I found her letter. In the letter she mentioned they had sex, but asked why he never kissed her.
This broke my heart into a million pieces. I immediately broke down crying after reading her letter, and at the same time, so disgusted. I questioned him, and supposedly it was just a few times. But I don't care if it was just once!! He broke down crying, and seemed very remorseful. He kept apologizing, and saying he asked god for forgiveness all the time. I just don't know if its sincere. After being hurt, angry, and disgusted for awhile, I eventually got over it. I don't think I'll ever truly forgive him for it. My baby brother is 16. I have a son, and want a girl someday. I'm sorry but I would want to kill that other person if it were my child. But I love this man, I was already in love when I found this out.
I was having a conversation with a man in his 20s, and he was telling me how a lot of men mess with 17 year old, that I'd be surprised.
Now I'm not trying to justify what he did, I just feel like maybe I'm thinking way too into this.
What are your thoughts on this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on May. 27, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (31)
  • that's sick
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:44 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • It happens a lot. Once they no longer show interest in these young girls or the parents find out its when they say they did not know or wish they had not have done it.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 8:44 PM on May. 27, 2013

  •  I eventually got over it. I don't think I'll ever truly forgive him for it.


    This is a contradiction.  If you can't ever truly forgive him then you are clearly not 'over it'.  You either trust him or you don't.  


    As for it being normal for a man in his 20's to screw with a 17 year old, I would hope that isn't normal.  Seems like they wouldn't have much in common.  I guess beyond immaturity.  

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 8:45 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • "I was having a conversation with a man in his 20s, and he was telling me how a lot of men mess with 17 year old, that I'd be surprised"

    You know, I notice that a lot of people (not just men) say this sort of thing to somehow excuse their reprehensible behavior. It indicates to me that they've got a real problem with owning up to their failings and taking even a modicum of personal responsibility.

    I'll tell you, I'm not sure I could stay in that relationship.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 8:46 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • I mean, I'm like in the middle.
    I forgive him, but then I don't cause I think about it long and hard. Ugh, it's so confusing.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:47 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • I was 17 when I met and had sex with my ex husband, he was 30. He lied about his age and I had no idea how old he really was until much later in our relationship. The fact that he lied to me from the beginning should have been a clue, but I was young and dumb.
    I don't think it's "normal" for a guy in his 20s to have sex with teenage girls, unless it's a 21 year old and a 19 year old. By late 20s a guy should be mature enough to realize that's not right.
    I would definitely talk it out with him, but if there is nothing else wrong in the relationship then hopefully he has grown up and realized it was wrong. If that's the case, you have to let it go.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:50 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • He has a SERIOUS lack of judgment. For me, that lack of judgment would disqualify him from the boyfriend sweepstakes.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 8:51 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • how would you feel if you found out a 28 year old MAN took advantage of your 17 year old CHILD?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:53 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • Something like this isn't just a mistake it is a character flaw and a person's character never truely changes.

    I would also say he is out. No way would I trust him.

    You are only attempting to justify it because you "love" him...just the same as women in abusive relationships attempt to justify being beaten on because they "love" the man. If he had told you this when you first met you would not have even thought of being with him, what makes it so different now that you are "in love"? How does the love change anything about what he did?
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 9:00 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • It doesn't change anything, what's done is done. But I love the man enough to give him another chance. Enough to see if he really has changed. Enough to try and stick it out with him. I wish I didn't read that letter. I think I was better of not even knowing.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:06 PM on May. 27, 2013

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