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I did nothing wrong here yet *I* am the one he puts on trial?

I f*ing HATE my ex-husband. He called me tonight to make sure I knew about my daughter skipping school and being in my apartment with her friends with no supervision. That man just has a way of twisting things to make it seem like it's all my fault and I'm the bad parent. And he wanted to know what I was doing about it. There is a part of me that wants to just tell him that if he thinks him and his little girlfriend can do a better job, then fine. He can have all 3 of the kids and I will just move in with my boyfriend.
But there is another part of me that knows I would be absolutely torn apart and miss my kids. I don't think I'm a bad mom. EVERYBODY skips school. I did when I was a kid. Heck, my ex used to skip WITH me. Yeah, we didn't go to his house or my house, but we went to a park or his van and "made out".

My ex wants to take ground her for a month, have her do all kinds of extra chores, take away her phone for a few days, take texting away forever, and of course lecture her forever about it. It's a good thing I decided not to be too harsh on her.

So, to make this a question, how do I handle him turning it to make it look like I'm the one who screwed up here?

 
tempsingl3mom

Asked by tempsingl3mom at 10:50 PM on May. 27, 2013 in Relationships

Level 26 (27,595 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • You can't change that. He is always going to turn it around and make you the bad mom no matter what the actual situation is. At least that is my opinion. I know people like this and no amount of logic or reason will make them see that they are dead wrong.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 10:56 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • If HE did such a good job raising her she wouldn't have skipped school.
    If you fail as a parent, so does HE!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:58 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • NannyB is the epitomy of a perfect mom! *eye roll*
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:10 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • NannyB didn't skip school, and none of her kids did--that se knows about. But it's a fairly common thing. I did it fairly regularly. Honestly, if your daughter is seventeen and this is the first time it ever happened, and she told you about it, and went to your house with her friends instead of somewhere else that could have led her into trouble, I'd say she's a damn good kd. I'd be proud of myself for how I had raised her. Not proud of her for doing what she did, but it's not an end-of-the-world mistake. Your ex needs to get a freakin' grip.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:47 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • Not everybody skips school. Where I grew up, only the "losers" skipped. NOT saying you're a loser. I'm saying it's a mistake to assume "everybody skips school" because it's not true.

    In the Teens group recently, a mom lamented SHE was going to court because her kid skipped school. Now this kid did it often, not just once. But the real lesson is that schools are taking it very seriously when a child skips. They can and will go after the PARENTS. They consider it a parental failure.

    Yes, this is a call for you and the dad to work together to prevent future occurrences. As far as a truant officer and a court is concerned, you are the responsible parties. You more so as the custodial parent. "Everybody does it" won't be accepted.

    Don't waste time arguing which of you is the bad guy. DOESN'T MATTER and it doesn't help your daughter any. Instead, figure out how to get her to graduation without getting into trouble.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:38 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • Not all children skip school. Ours never did, and I never did either. You didn't say how old this child is, but I can tell you for certain that my husband would have been very upset with me had such a thing occurred on my watch. What is more, I would have been upset with me, too. Instead of taking this as a personal attack, it seems it should be more of a call for the two of you to work together to insure it never happens again.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:29 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • She lives with you and she is a minor? If so then she is your responsibility. I frankly never skipped school and I only knew one girl that skipped on afternoon.
    I think being lenient is a bad approach. I think definite consequences should follow a breach of trust like this.

    I do not know the age of this child but my guess is that the cell phone and texting coordinated this whole affair and I certainly would take it away until she earns back the trust of having a cell phone in the first place.
    Since she seems to need to be in the house more (that's where she skipped to) she needs to spend more time there and while she is there she needs non fun things to do. Chores can fill that need and whether or not she does them responsibly and with a good attitude decides how long the punishments last.
    The question is do you want a good responsible person or an irresponsible rule breaker. You may hate your husband but that d
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:47 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • I used to skip school a lot! Pretty much everyone I knew in school skipped at least once. The guy sounds like a douche. I would remind him that he used to skip school too and ask if it was bad parenting that caused him to skip school.
    Nos4

    Answer by Nos4 at 6:07 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • sounds alot like my ex, to turn the blame onto you so it focused the attention off of his mistakes and onto yours. The best thing to do is ignore him when he saids stuff like that. He's just trying to get a rise out of you. You have the child together, so focus back on suggestions of making her learn her lesson, but both of you have to come up with solution that works for both of you. Good luck!
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 9:19 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • does not necessarily make him wrong.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:47 AM on May. 28, 2013

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