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Well i'm feeling horrible! my 6 year old was in the bathroom playng with matches, i had them in their for my candle for when i take a bath.. i didn't think anything of it.. i smelt the burning smell.. or the smell of the match.. after he came out of the bathroom.. soooooooooooooo i walk in their and i say "(insert childs name) where you playing with matches?' Him.."not me mom.." Me.."you were the last one in the bathroom" (needless to say i had to ask about 6 times before i got the truth.. so immediately sent him to his room told him i was going to spank him.. soooooooo he was in his bed.. i finally calmed down (i was mad.angry.dissapointed) i went in his room told him to come here, (they have a bunk bed, he sleeps on top one!) because i was going to spank him and he wouldn't... so i started taking his stuffed men (hulk, sonic) from his bed and told him i was going to throw them in the trash, he started flipping out and he was yelling at me but still not coming down.. then i went for hisn ew shoes that my sister just bought for him and i told him, that i was taking them and throwing them in trash... the tantrum got bigger but he wasn't coming down ... so then i went to his drawer took everything out and told him i was going to throw everything away, well needless to say he wasn't coming down.. sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i called his dad (dad and i aren't together, he hasn't seen dad in about a month..he was gonna go to the movies with him on friday) and i said "so he refuses to come down from his bed so he can't go to the movies on friday with you!" he still didn't come down.. then he started crying and said "why don't you love me mommy".............................................................

i walekd out of the room.. and i haven't gone back in .. was i too harsh??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on May. 27, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (15)
  • I feel like all the threats weren't the best approach and didn't work. When kids get into "dangerous" stuff, the approach needs to be calm, serious and centered around the fact that something could harm them. IDK, you do the best you can. Grab that kid, bring him down and have a stern chat.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:21 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • IMO, it's not fair to take away something that his dad had planned, especially if he doesn't live there and hasn't seen him in a month. My son has a bunk bed as well. Since he refused to come down, he should lose the privilege of sleeping on the top bunk.


    Answer by JeremysMom at 11:22 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • yeah i agree, the approach wasn't the best and now that i've calmed down i can see that, i tried to grab him and bring him down... truuust me.................!! but he kept moving so damn much.. i moved the bed and when i got to the corner he was at he was already at another corner of the bed...!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:22 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • Were you too harsh????!!!???

    Damn! I wouldn't have come down either!
    Your child fears you and it's your fault for leaving matches within the reach of a child!
    Be thankful he didn't burn himself!
    I feared my parents because my mother acted just like you! I'd rather my child respect me.
    I think you owe him an apology for acting like a child yourself!

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 11:22 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • I understand that you were freaked out by what could have happened, but your approach was hysterical. In the future, you might consider, if he refuses to get off the high bed, just saying that you two will be having a talk when he comes down and then walking out of the room. It isn't like he has anywhere to go, and the wait will get to him. He won't stay up there forever. I would apologize for getting worked up and taking his stuff, then talk to him coolly and firmly about what could have happened to him from playing with matches and how awful it would have been for both of you because you love him so much. You could show him pictures of burn victims or even take him to the fire department and let them chat with him about the dangers, which they'll do for free. Oh, and put the matches where he won't be tempted again. No guilt, Mom, it's pointless-but change your tactics.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:30 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • Why do I feel this post is bull s**t? The child was messing with something YOU left down. As an adult with a small child YOU should know to put that stuff up. So you sent him to his room for punishment. Then you were going to spank him. Then you took his toys. Then you took his shoes. Really? Thats too much for a small child. YOU need parenting classes. You cant punish him a million times for one thing. You went too far. Yes he was freaking out, HE IS A CHILD. I blame you. MOST kids will mess with matches left laying around.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on May. 27, 2013

  • The approach wasn't the best, but it seems like you know that. I've been there, we're mothers but we're still only human. Just apologize to him later and explain why you were so mad. I like Ballad's idea about showing him pictures or having the fire department talk to him. Obviously you know to put the matches up now, but sometimes even when you think things are out of reach curious children find a way.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 12:19 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • Things escalated and you're right: where they went was not good.
    I think it's important to affirm what's real/true. What's important (now) is how you respond to what happened. Rupture repair is possible, you just acknowledge what happened, how you feel about it, that it wasn't his fault (you weren't taking good care of your feelings), and that you know that. YES you love him & you're sorry you didn't act like it then. Let him know you were scared & also upset with yourself for forgetting about the matches, and you felt like you needed to make a BIG deal because it's serious.
    "I thought I had to MAKE you come down, so I...."
    "I wish I had....instead."
    Be direct; don't flip-flop & make it his fault you got upset. You still can emphasize what was problematic & dangerous about what he did without making his actions "responsible" for your overreaction. It isn't "giving him a pass" to take clear responsibility for your own emotions.

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:24 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • I think you were still angry. The truth is that you are the one at fault. You are the one that put something dangerous in the hands of a child by not putting the matches in a safe place. You are the one who did not educate you child on the dangers of fire, since you were going to leave matches where he could easily get them. You feel guilty and rightfully so. Good for you that you called down before spanking him, but you were still furious and acted badly.
    We always act worse when we know ultimately it is our fault and think what could have happened. We feel scared and guilty. We all have done something like this in our parenting. My advice to you is to apologize to you son and ask him to talk to you. Tell him he can stay in his bed and talk but you really would like him to talk face to face if he can.
    His reaction is normal.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:28 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • Think of what you would do if someone 3Xs your size says to go and wait for them to come and hit you.
    (yes I have spanked my child)
    The normal response is to hide especially since he knew you were out of control and he is confused about the whole thing. We tell our children to be curious and to try things. Some seem scary to them like riding a bike or the first day of school.
    There they are just begging him to see what mommy does with them.
    Mommy is waiting outside the door and it is obvious that that she is flipping out. He lies. Children have no concept of how adults "know" they have done something.
    MO is to tell him that all those things he loves would be lost in a fire, they would be burned into ashes and he could never get them back. As much as that would hurt a fire could take him away from you and that thought scared you so badly that acted badly. The you can figure out a penalty for lying.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:36 AM on May. 28, 2013

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