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4 Bumps

IEP meetings

Can I refuse to have a certain person at my son's IEP meeting? My ex has hired an attorney and wants to bring her to the iep. She is the same one that has represented him for custody and child support so I have a bit of animosity towards her. I do not want her there! Do I have any say in who attends?
Posting here because we don't have a special needs category (hint, hint)

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missanc

Asked by missanc at 10:58 AM on May. 28, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 43 (163,394 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • why would she need to go to an IEP meeting?!

    not sure if you can refuse it though
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 11:04 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • Your ex has as much say as you do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • Who has the last word about who goes to this meeting? The school? I would drop a word in the appropriate person's ear about this. An attorney has absolutely no business in an IEP meeting and should not be there. Why does your ex want her there? What does he hope to gain by this?
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 11:10 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • He wants to get our son switched from a self contained class to mainstream classes (which no one else involved with my son thinks he can handle - he's in 9th grade, but reading/math are both on a 2nd grade level). There are certain steps to follow to attempt this, but he isn't going to take the time to go through the correct steps. I'm not certain what exactly her role is going to be there, which is one more reason I don't want her there.
    missanc

    Comment by missanc (original poster) at 11:11 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • I would talk to your child's counselor, find out if this is legal, and explain that your ex is trying to have your son mainstreamed.

    The thing is, that if no one else wants your son to be mainstreamed yet, the attorney will hear that at the meeting and will know that if you went to court over it, all of the professionals are on your side in this, and would not be good witnesses for your husband. She may just advise him against fighting this.

    The IEP is for your child. This really isn't a place for your ex to bring his lawyer, that says a lot about him. Good luck mama. Hugs.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:15 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • Yes - my ex has as much say, I'm not trying to prevent him from saying his piece.
    The school knows she's coming, which is why they had to postpone my son's iep so the school has a chance to get representation as well. If a parent brings an attorney, the school is required to have one as well.
    missanc

    Comment by missanc (original poster) at 11:16 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • If no one else thinks he can handle it, your ex isn't going to make it happen just by bringing in a lawyer. I'm not sure if you can keep her out of the meeting, but I also would let her stress you out to much. Your ex isn't going to be able to force everyone else to bend to his will. Worst he could do is use the lawyer to try to take this to court, and if he's the only one that wants it and everyone else says it's a bad idea or that your son isn't ready or whatever, it's not likely a judge is going to just give in and let your ex have his way.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:18 AM on May. 28, 2013

  • Everyone can load up on the attorneys but it will not accomplish much for your son. Too bad your ex doesn't direct his energy toward the child.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 8:00 PM on May. 28, 2013

  • He wants to get our son switched from a self contained class to mainstream classes

    He cannot do this with a lawyer. The school decides what setting he will be in and ALL members have to be in agreement. Then it's a majority rule if all members are not in agreement. You have to do what is best for the child. I hope this lawyer will understand that and not just go with what your Ex has to say about it. There is nothing you can do as far as allowing her or not.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 11:55 AM on May. 29, 2013

  • Talk to the school. It's quite possible the school will say absolutely not anyway, but tell them your concerns. Besides, an attorney can't do anything to force your child into mainstream classes if the school doesn't think he can handle it. It's sad that your ex would rather spend money on attorneys rather than spending that money helping your son.
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 7:11 PM on May. 29, 2013

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