Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

What would you do in this situation?

I am currently caring for a seven year old little cousin. He is more on a kindergarten level due to developmental delay or possibly neglect, speech delay, and behavioral issues. He has hurt my kids (6 and 2) and is really trying. I wasn't close to his side of the family, but due to a death in the family he is with me. I feel guilty but I think he needs to go into foster care. My kids are miserable and constantly fighting with him. I can't give him the attention he needs and give my kids the attention they need. What would you do? Should I allow him to go into foster care, as it would only be temporary until those in his family straightened out?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Jun. 1, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (15)
  • Can anyone else in the family help with his care?

    Answer by ForestFairy09 at 12:07 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • How badly did he hurt your kids? Can you get help from special agencies since he has a disability?

    Answer by ForestFairy09 at 12:12 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • Sense you are fostering him, can't you get some PA for him?

    Answer by louise2 at 12:15 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • We aren't actually fostering, we're part of a safety plan through Child Services. We can't get his social security unless we file temporary custody, which we don't want to do. He gets help, but I'm not. I have to drive him everywhere and receive no help whatsoever. Anyone who could take him won't, and the people who would can't due to financial/housing issues.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:19 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • You should still be able to get some help through Child Services, have you talked to them about your issues/concerns? They really do try and make it as easy as possible so that the child can stay with family of some sort instead of complete strangers which is very hard on a child, especially one who already has issues.

    Again, how bad did he hurt the kids as this would also possibly change my thoughts, if it was something that even normal siblings do, that didn't result in serious injury then my advice would be to keep trying. Have you explained to your children that his mommy and daddy aren't there for him and aren't able to take care of him and that he really needs family to support him and help him through is tough time.

    Involve them in his support and they may be more receptive. Also child services will provide family counseling if needed.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:23 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • I understand he is disrupting your life. But he is not a puppy you can send back! Why did you except to care for him in the first place? Foster care is not a good place for a kid like that.

    Answer by louise2 at 12:24 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • exactly Louise2: A child like that is going to "drown" in foster care, he won't get all the attention he needs to grow up and become healthy. He also runs the risk(unfortunately) of suffering more abuse as not every foster care situations is a healthy warm home.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:32 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • I would do whatever I needed to do to keep any of my family members out of the foster system. No doubt there are some caring loving foster families, but many kids that come out of the system have horror stories of growing up in foster care.
    Does he have a diagnosis? You say he's getting help, is it therapy? Has he been tested? Is he on medication? Does he need to be? It sounds like he needs some help and a whole lot of love. I wouldn't be able to deny him that.

    Answer by missanc at 12:35 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • why dont you want to file temp custody?

    Answer by feralxat at 12:38 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • I don't think I could send a child from my family into foster care. That being said, I couldn't allow anyone to hurt my kids. I'd go to Child Services and see what could be done. I know a couple raising their two grandchildren. It was supposed to be temporary, but the mom never came through. So you have to have a backup plan in case the problems in your family don't get straightened out. You really need to get some professionals in your corner. CPS will almost always pay for therapy for the kids and the family. Check with your county, since most sliding scale counsling is offered through there.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:46 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.