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4 Bumps

If you weren't invited, would you send a gift?

I'm really struggling with this, so I'm not asking in the hope that I'll be told what I want to hear because I truly don't even know what I want to hear.

My brother and his gay partner are having a wedding, of sorts, in July. They sent out invitations addressed from their three-year-old foster son, who is asking people to join them for the "union of his fathers." I don't have a problem with that; in fact, I'm glad the two men finally have the right to proclaim their commitment to each other. But I didn't get an invitation. I'm hurt, since I was unquestioningly supportive of my brother's life choices when he came out, but there's been a rift between us ever since he tried to get me to surrender my baby to him at birth. He said it would be best for the child, since I'm blind. All that aside, when their foster son was baptized recently, I sent him a gift, and I've sent him Christmas presents as well because he's a child and he shouldn't be left out on account of adult problems.

So my questions are, what would be good gifts to give to two men having a union, especially when they've had a household together for several years so it isn't as if they're just starting out? And if I'm not invited to the ceremony but I'm the sister of one of them, do I still send a gift?

Thanks for all opinions.


Asked by Ballad at 10:56 PM on Jun. 1, 2013 in Relationships

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I'd send a congratulatory card but no gift. In my eyes it is wrong that they not invite you when you have been so supportive, and further wrong of your brother to say that you would not make a good mother because you are blind?!
    There are plenty of parents who have disabilities that are still great parents. it's what's in your heart that makes you a good parent, not the condition of your physical body, shame on your brother for ever suggesting that. Hugs to you.

    Answer by AnonNdrag at 11:04 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • Just a card, no presents. That's pretty crappy of them, I'm so sorry.

    Answer by funlovinlady at 11:05 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • he has held a grudge because you did not give him your baby????

    send a card

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:30 AM on Jun. 2, 2013

  • I think a card acknowledging their union and your happiness for them would be enough. At least you're letting him know your thoughts are with him.

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 11:03 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • I would send them a nice picture frame so they can put a wedding photo in there.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:04 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • My opinion is that a gift is an outward show of love. I probably would send the gift because you are aware of the occasion and would have wished to join the celebration. This is the only what that you can do this.
    If you were dropping a gift by their house I would suggest a bottle or two of wine and/ or maybe a movie.
    If you are sending a gift, I am just not sure.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:09 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • While I think it is really crappy of them not to invite you (Maybe they did and it got lost in the mail? Happens sometimes) I think you should still send them a gift. I like QuinMae's idea of a pretty frame for their wedding photo.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 11:11 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • I'd send a gift anyway.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:52 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • Could the invitation have gotten lost in the mail? I thinks it's cruel of them not to invite you and for your brother to want to take your child away! A lot of people think gay people shouldn't be parents! They should appreciate your support!

    Answer by Mermaid65 at 12:10 AM on Jun. 2, 2013

  • No.

    Answer by kity-bity at 4:25 AM on Jun. 2, 2013