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7 Bumps

I feel guilty but don't think I should.

I am VERY VERY happily married, I love my husband so very much and would NEVER NEVER NEVER be unfaithful to him...that being said, there's this guy at my work who I have absolutely no interest in what so ever, he is a nice person but he is flirtatious with ALL the women at work, including myself, and I just brush him off! This morning at work I was in the back getting coffee and he came into the break room and said "morning, how u doin girl"? I said, "good thanks". Then he almost in a brotherly type way started rubbing my shoulders...wtf? I was shocked and kinda stood there for a sec, I was not offended or anything, just weirded out, so I walked out of his grasp and out of shock not knowing what to say, I started talking about something work related. After I left the break room, I thought how stupid am I for not saying anything like, don't ever touch me, etc. but I can't explain it, he wasn't being perverted about it but yet it's still inappropriate. I feel like with what happened I was disrespectful to my husband even though I didn't do anything wrong :(

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on Jun. 1, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • that sounds like it was bordering on sexual harassment. No one has the right to touch you in such an inappropriate manner like that. You did nothing wrong. If he does this sort of thing again, express to him that his advances are not welcome and consider reporting him. He sounds like a creep.
    AnonNdrag

    Answer by AnonNdrag at 11:57 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • That is sexual harassment. To HR with you first thing Monday morning. Report it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:58 PM on Jun. 1, 2013

  • Be careful, Everyone at work know do not touch in anyway, Just pull away and say do not touch me ever.
    by2013

    Answer by by2013 at 12:02 AM on Jun. 2, 2013

  • There is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty because some guy couldn't keep his hands to himself. Next time he touches you, tell him very bluntly that putting his hands on you is inappropriate and he needs to knock it off. Say it in front of others if you can. Report any furter unwelcome advances. And most of all, skip the guilt. You did nothing wrong.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:06 AM on Jun. 2, 2013

  • i THINK i WOULD REPORT HIM TOO.
    morebee7

    Answer by morebee7 at 12:09 AM on Jun. 2, 2013

  • You have nothing to be guilty about, I have a different view of what many peoole call sexual harassment though, I would call his actions inappropriate, especially seeing you felt uneasy, I would have addressed it right then explaining it made you uncomfortable, I wouldnt call it sexual harassment though. However if you asked him to never do it again and he did, that would be a different situation.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 12:51 AM on Jun. 2, 2013

  • I guess I don't see the sexual part here. Though I think the only place that does not qualify for sexual harassment is the elbow. Heard that somewhere. He sounds gay.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 12:56 AM on Jun. 2, 2013

  • He might not do it again. Personally I don't like to make waves, so I wouldn't report it this time. If he does it again I would politely say, This is the second time you have touched me without my permission, please don't touch me again, and if you do I will go to HR.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Jun. 2, 2013

  • Yeah it's borderline sexual harassment. Who in their right mind would think it's ok to touch someone else in that way uninvited? That guy sounds like the typical player/flirter. I've known several guys that have done the same and ended up being married themselves. This one guy pretty much tried to ask me out while his wife was out of the country...but he never mentioned being married and never wore a ring at work. I only found out from other people that he was married. You didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't make a big deal of it unless this guy keeps bothering you. It will only cause your husband to get jealous. Next time, if he tries again, just say "whoah there! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:50 AM on Jun. 2, 2013

  • I wouldn't actually call it sexual harassment (if u do, I think it waters down that particular accusation if a man REALLY does something so obviously sexual to a woman), BUT I would call it harassment or inappropriate action (and you should tell him you'll report it as such). If he does it again DO report it as such.
    I would also advise you to tell your husband just in case something happens in future - like u see that guy on the street and he touches you and says like 'Oh u never minded when I did that at work' - cos even tho that isn't true it might set your husband thinking.
    stace101

    Answer by stace101 at 5:03 AM on Jun. 2, 2013

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