My dd's sperm donor has never been a consistant part of her life. Hit & miss w/ visitation, always late when he did show up, never spending time w/ her, just having her occupy his other kids when he got her, & never paying child support.
He married "Crystal" & had kids w/ her. And though I would try to help her at the beginning (he was an abusive jerk, which is why I left him) she'd end up going back to him. My dh & I have been together since dd was 2, & she started calling him daddy, & though we never encouraged it, & would correct her on it, I refused to punish her for it. So dd would go over there, when they decided to show up, & Crystal would demand that she not call dh daddy, but then go on to ask why dd never called her "mommy"... She would also get mad, & in front of my dd tell her sperm donor that he needed to demand to have her on non-scheduled holidays, even though in recent yrs. they never got her anything... etc.
A few yrs ago, both sperm donor & his wife, ended up in jail, later we learned that Crystal had left him for someone else, after she found out they would be going to jail, because she blamed him for screwing her life up.... Once they got out, sperm donor was living w/ his parents & they came to get dd a few times for visitation, & they told her that Crystal was mad because they didn't go to pick up his other 3 kids. They are younger, & since my dd is nearly 15 & self sufficient... (sp) they would rather have her around. (It's not right, but that's how they are) This only lasted about 3-4 times, then they stopped. Sperm donor had gotten back w/ Crystal.
Sperm donor hasn't had any contact w/ dd since Dec. 2011, except for a call on this past Christmas eve, saying he had presents (all bought by & from his parents) & wanted her to come see him,that night, to which she told him she wanted nothing to do w/ him. Other than that, no cards, calls, texts, or visits...
I recently saw that dd received a message on fb from Crystal. (DD is "friends" w/ her step brother on there & Crystal used his account to send the message, since dd denied her sperm donors 'friend request, & Crystal's as well) It was basically a long guilt trip type message, telling dd that she was sorry that she had to leave dd's "bio father", (they broke up again, & he took off for the west coast) but that she had nothing to do w/ him anymore, & she was sure that dd wanted nothing to do w/ her, but that she "misses her sooo much, & if only just for the other 3 kids, if dd wants to come over & babysit them, or meet at the park, & I'll sit way away from you, & you won't even have to see me". She went on to say that she's sure they prob. won't even recognize her anymore since it's been soooo long since they have gotten to see her, since she didn't "want" to see them at Christmas... As if it was my dd's fault that she hadn't been contacted by them for a yr. & then when they decided they could make time to see her she said she didn't want to see them...
DD wants nothing to do w/ any of them & ignored the message. I told her that if she wanted to see her step siblings that I would go w/ her, because it's not their fault about their parents, but she said she doesn't want to. I don't want her to regret, not being a part of her step sibling's lives later in life, but I don't want to push her either. And I was highly irritated that her "step mother' would try to send her a guilt trip. Should I just leave it be, or try to encourage dd to at least have a relationship w/ her step siblings. And should I ignore the guilt letter, or contact crystal & let her know that it was inappropriate for her to have sent it?
Answer by feralxat at 11:45 AM on Jun. 3, 2013
Answer by 405mom at 11:54 AM on Jun. 3, 2013
Answer by LostSoul88 at 12:00 PM on Jun. 3, 2013
Answer by kmath at 12:07 PM on Jun. 3, 2013
Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:25 PM on Jun. 3, 2013
Answer by feralxat at 1:42 PM on Jun. 3, 2013
Answer by leksismommy at 2:17 PM on Jun. 3, 2013
Answer by Ballad at 2:58 PM on Jun. 3, 2013