Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Do you think my husband has a girlfriend?

I am a STHM with 4 kids. The youngest is mentally retarded. My husband works all the time-overtime,weekend, holidays. I complain and he says he has to. When he's home , he does projects around the house or plans outings for the kids. I'd like to go to dinner and shows like when we were dating. He won't take me out. I'd like to stay at a 5 star hotel. He won't. He treats me like a mom not a wife. I run the kids around and go to all all their events myself. I never enjoyed sex and we haven't had sex in years. When I ask if he has a girlfriend he says no and laughs.

My mother keeps telling me he's going to leave me and I should have my head examined . My parents always went to dinner and shows. I feel like a widow! I don't want a divorce but I feel all alone! I suggested marriage counseling, but he said he doesn't have time to go.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Jun. 3, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (25)
  • After all these years a hard working man, dedicated father, know where your husband is- sounds like a good enough man.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 8:51 PM on Jun. 3, 2013

  • You have not had sex in years? I say he is getting it from somewhere.....

    Answer by older at 8:53 PM on Jun. 3, 2013

  • First, you cannot compare your relationship to your parents. Unfortunatley, those type of relationships are almost non-existent at this day and age. Now you said he treats you like a mom not a wife and you guys don't do the things you used to do as when dating. I understand you have 4 kids but do you keep up with yourself? Do you dress like a wife that's a mom? Not just a mom.. What is it that attracted him to you? Are you still doing those things?

    If you've suggested counseling and he said he does not have the time, then there is an issue somewhere. People MAKE TIME for what they want. I wouldn't right out say he's cheating but he obviously does not like being around you that much since he actually spends time with the kids on his free time. Find out what the issue is and make him talk to you..

    Answer by MsViv at 8:55 PM on Jun. 3, 2013

  • If he is laughing at the thought of having a girlfriend, maybe he has a boyfriend?

    One thing you should do is go over your financial records. Find the credit card and phone bills. See if there is anything there before you start accusing him.

    If you can't get him into counselling, go by yourself.

    Good luck.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 9:02 PM on Jun. 3, 2013

  • If you don't enjoy sex then I think your doing it wrong and you should practise, sometimes men just want to hurry and then they are the only ones who get pleasure but the truth is if you take time and make sure you cum first then you will definitely enjoy it. My god why tip toe through life and hope you get to death safely, have some orgasms jeez. Oh and I think it's called down syndrome now..
    No I don't think he has a girlfriend have you heard of use it or loose it, I think this is the case.

    Answer by pinkparcel at 9:10 PM on Jun. 3, 2013

  • perhaps he's offended at your choice of words regarding your youngest.

    Answer by tnm786 at 9:12 PM on Jun. 3, 2013

  • At what point did you line up the sitter, make reservations and get a new outfit for your date?
    Maybe if you did all those things he'd take you! Take the bull by the horns! If you want to go on a date, PLAN A DATE! You can't expect him to do it for you!

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 9:17 PM on Jun. 3, 2013

  • It sounds like you feel lonely and unappreciated, but that's not the same thing as having a cheating husband. I agree; line up a sitter, get your hair done, and pick a night you know your husband will be home to have a date. See how he reacts.

    Oh, and there are a lot of other causes for developmental disabilities besides Down's Syndrome. The word "retarded" is politically incorrect these days; many people prefer to say "delayed" now.

    Answer by Ballad at 9:37 PM on Jun. 3, 2013

  • My son is cognitively impaired but most people don't know what that means. He is a handful and I resent being alone with the kids all the time. I feel like our marriage isn't about us-to my husband it's just about the kids!

    Once I bought theatre tickets, but he said he was going to work that night. I was as going to ask a friend to go with me but was too embarrassed that he won't go with me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:57 PM on Jun. 3, 2013

  • Maybe. Although working a lot isn't necessarily a sign that he is cheating. If he won't go to counseling, then go by yourself and leave an open invitation for him to join you.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:58 PM on Jun. 3, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.