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2 Bumps

That other mom- vent and advice

My daughter plays very well with one other Russian girl from another class. In that class there is Polish family- THAT OTHER MOM, her daughter and her son. Our kids played occasionally, but never were good friends. One day I took my daughter and her Russian friend horseback riding, that Polish mom called me and demanded that I should take her daughter too, when I told her it is impossible she asked me to bring her pie (this city is famous for pies). In the evening that Russian girl had to go to that Polish family, because her mom had to work overnight. We brought the girl to THAT Polish mom and brought her a pie. She took that pie and the Russian girl, never offered the pay for pie, instead she offered a play date in her house which she never did.

Later on a month ago or so, at school, at the open house THAT Polish mom took great pictures of our children, I asked her to send them to me, she said, she would and NEVER did.

Than THAT polish mom heard that we invited the Russian girl to swim in our apartment pool, her mom always invites our daughter back and tries to return favors. She pushed that I invite her daughter too, when I did she asked nicely that her son comes too. Yesterday they came, her son misbehaved completely, he did not listen to her, bothered the girls, stole couple of small toys from our house, scribbled with the stone the name of his sister near the entrance to our apartment. His mom could not stop him. She did not bring anything for snack to girls, but cut apple. No pool toys either. I offered water melon and pool toys, two of those were destroyed by her son.

She hugged me and thanked me and asked whether her daughter can celebrate her birthday in our swimming pool next week. I told her that I feel uncomfortable with that, but she kept insisting. Finally she told, whether it will be fine if she and her children simply come to swim at her daughter's birthday at our pool. I am fairly sure that she celebrating her daughter's birthday elsewhere and not inviting us. She has big house and plenty of other friends wiith pools where she can potentially celebrate her daughter's birthday.

As for me, I feel so frustrated, I feel she never gives back, not even pics that take only several minutes to send. Not a potluck or play date she promised, not even snack or toy. Yes, my daughter likes to play with that Polish girl, but she has plenty of other friends that she likes. She was frustrated yesterday, by that brother a lot.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:36 AM on Jun. 4, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Why do you expect anything in return? If you bought her a pie and there was no mention of the mom paying you for the pie, then that is on you. I think there is a big lack of communication here. BTW, I am a bit bothered when you repeatedly mention THAT Polish girl, or THAT Russian girl. If you child likes to play with her friends, let her play with her friends. You are not required to be friends with the parents. 


    Answer by JeremysMom at 7:17 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • I repeat the Polish and russian, simply to distinct the girls from one another. I expect mutual relations in which both sides benefit...wouldn't you?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:32 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • You couldn't distinguish the girls by using made up names, or girl #1/girl #2?

    Some people don't give back. You can see she's one of those people. So let your daughter play with her friend, and juts say no to anything beyond playing together. Problem solved. Don't give her things, don't invite her other kids, don't ask her for pictures or anything.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:48 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • You have no power to change anyone except yourself. So, you have two choices: either you accept this relationship as it is, or you sit down with the woman and you honestly explain to her all your objections to this "friendship" and you tell her you can no longer participate in it. When you have a problem with another individual, the only possible hope of seeing it repaired is to be honest with that person. It takes courage to do, but it is the only thing that ever helps in any way!

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:01 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • Polish girl, Russian girl? You sound like my 98 year old grandmother.

    What really matters is whether or not your dd likes to play with the little girl. The mother is irrelevent.

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 9:23 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • I'm afraid I cringe when someone identifies a person by their nationality ...

    Answer by winterglow at 9:26 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • If you expect something from someone that is not reciprocating, then stop doing things for her. Simple. If she pushes just say that 'that doesn't work for me, I'm sorry.' and leave it at that.

    If you want to invite her daughter to play with your daughter, then do so FOR your daughter and not for the hope that her mother will reciprocate. If she asks you to bring her pie, just say that you do not have time. If she asks you for permission to use the pool for her daughter's party just say 'I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me.'

    People can't walk all over you unless you lay down for them.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:50 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • If you're teaching your child to identify people as "that POLISH whatever" and "that RUSSIAN whatever" they're probably better off with their kids kept far away from yours anyway.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 10:19 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • I never expect reciprocity. It's nice to get it but I never expect it.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:32 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • Since when do play dates involve the exchange of gifts?
    You take your kids, you play, you go home, see ya later. It's not your job to be best friends with the parents.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:40 PM on Jun. 4, 2013

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