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2 Bumps

Need input. sorry kind of long.

I am at a lost. But, at the same time he's done this before. So, it's the same guy i've talked about it on here over and over. He's the guy i've liked for so long. He's the guy that will run hot and than cold. He's the guy that clearly doesn't know what he wants. Anyways! Case in point. We were together sexually after 17 years of wanting to. We talked about it for 9 months by phone and text before we did. I didn't want to sleep with him until I had my divorce atleast processed. Typical hard part he met somebody. They dated for I want to say 3 months maybe less. Were' both 31. He's never been married nor has he been in love or with someone for longer then 6 months. I really was happy for him and moved on. They broke up back in Febuary and then he started to chat with me again. For the last 3 months. He's tried to invite me over. Either I fell asleep or couldn't come over. (work the next day or had my son) Then he got the picture that he was going to need to make some what of a plan with me or it was never going to happen. He contacted me that week and asked if I had my son for that weekend. I replied no and he said we should get together this weekend. I said ok it could be fun. On Thursday that week he contacted me again. We texted a little bit. I sent him some photos of me and then he said he said I want you. He hasn't said that in a long time before we had sex the first time. Then on Saturday night he texted me. Asked what I was doing and chatted a little bit. I thought he was going to invite me over finally but then he didn't obviously. Why did he make this big deal several times to ask me over and then not go through with it? Nor you dont still no the whole story. But, I truly mean he's ran hot then cold with me. I've heard that if you don't where you stand then you need to move on. I"m really trying I just don't get it. I did move on several times from him, I did turn him down several times. I don't give in to tempation as easy as some of the other girls he been with. I've also read that a guy typically will have sex anytime he can get it. So, if that's the case. Then why is he not now. It makes me think he doesn't want to take advantage of me. I sent him a text 2 weeks later from the Saturday night. I said I really want you. And he said oh really why is that? and it took me 2 hours to respond. And when I did He didn't say anything. I said. I just wanted you to know how I feel. Your awesome. you always have been, I want more of your awesomeness. the reason i said something like that is to keep it not so heartfelt but not so hey I'm thinking of you only for sex. some other background. This guy he doesn't like goodbyes, he doesn't like to plan too much.. wants it spantatous( i know I didn't spell that right) He contacted me after he broke up with his girlfriend. He said I was awesome catch, that he liked my company. HE said while I was married how he wished he would of taken me out did this or that. I said I had a secret crush on him in HS. He said he did as well, we talked about how we both would look at eachother during class and wonder about how it would be. So, I have to ask with all that history (and more) why is acting like this? I am trying to move on. I am aware their other guys out there. I moved once before I married an asshole and then divorced him. I've been trying to date. This guy has broke my heart time and time again. Just by him not being honest about his feelings. I get a little bit of it and think its ' going to be different and then I start to think I'm the fall back girl or he's just not that into me. But, the truth is I get really mixed signals. I've let him go over the course of the last year atleast 5 times. And then he reappears again. IT's so frustrasting.
PS. Please understand if you have nothing but mean things to say please don't I'm fine with the blunt comments within reason. I'm really trying here. thanks.

 
Sillylins

Asked by Sillylins at 10:09 AM on Jun. 4, 2013 in Relationships

Level 27 (31,211 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Hon, I'm thinking that it's all about the ego chase here. He seems to want you when he can't have you. Once you are available & he knows you are interested, it's no longer interesting to him. Truth is, that though he may care for you, & have feelings for you, he's obviously too immature to be able to focus on anything but himself. He wants to know that you want him because it makes him feel desirable & in control. I hate to say it, but I see nothing but heartache for you involving him. You deserve better than that. Though it may hurt, the best thing, in my opinion, is for you to move on & find a man that is willing to be there for you, & treat you right, not just string you along. A relationship takes two, & it seems like you're the only one putting effort into this & it prob. isn't going to change. I'd cut of contact w/ him, which I'm sure will spark his interest, but in the end you'll be better off ignoring his advances.hugs
    HappyEndings

    Answer by HappyEndings at 10:26 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • You have to somehow force yourself to ignore him when he contacts you and eventually when you have chosen to move on, than you will completely let go of him.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:16 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • Seriously trying to put this as nicely as possible because, believe it or not, I've kind of been in your situation: YOU NEED TO LET HIM GO. If he cared about you as much as you do him, then it would not be so complicated. He would show it. Stop doing this to yourself.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 10:17 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • There is a pattern to his behavior. You see it. You also know deep down inside that he is not going to change--not for you or for anybody else. This is how he operates, and barring some miracle, this is how he will always operate. If I were in your shoes, I would start today telling myself that this guy is not good for me and that I'm not having anything else to do with him. Say it out loud and say it every time the thought of him pops into your head. Then tell yourself you don't need somebody in your life who is always causing you to have to guess what he's thinking, what he's feeling, and what he's doing. If you tell yourself the truth about him(which is that he is a player and not really wanting a serious relationship as in marriage), you will eventually come to believe that about him. Until you come to really believe it, act like you do and have nothing more to do with him. I don't think you even have to tell him why!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:25 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • He's the guy that clearly doesn't know what he wants. 


     Then on Saturday night he texted me. Asked what I was doing and chatted a little bit. I thought he was going to invite me over finally but then he didn't obviously.


    This guy has broke my heart time and time again. Just by him not being honest about his feelings. I get a little bit of it and think its ' going to be different and then I start to think I'm the fall back girl or he's just not that into me. 


    ^^^  The signals aren't so mixed.  I think you should tell him that you think you two would be better off staying friends.   Don't beat yourself up over his issues.  Find someone that wants to be with you.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:36 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • "I've heard that if you don't where you stand then you need to move on."

    Yep. And you need to move on. Don't take his calls, ignore his texts, he's gone. Change your number of need be.

    Life's too short to waste on game players and he's playing a game. Doesn't matter why he's doing it, the fact that he IS doing it is ALL that matters and it's what disqualifies him from the Prince Charming contest. You don't have to explain anything to him if he tries to contact you, just tell him you are no longer interested and to stop calling you.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:28 AM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • Like I told you yesterday. Guys will try to fuck you. Period. You're a booty call, nothing more. Something to "do" while he's bored.

    Move on and find someone worth your time. "Chatting" is not conversation, "Texting" is not dating. Neither of those are proper ways to court a woman.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:35 PM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • Women fall to their knees at what we hear. It doesn't take long for a man to figure that out. Question is, will it take you much longer to figure that out as well? You already know the answer. Your gut tells you the truth...you just choose to ignore what your gut is telling you. Be the strong woman that you are and tell him to "Grow up!!"
    The fact that he may call you and then nothing happens, means you are on a 'List' of who he is going to call. He's looking for a "Sure thing" NOT a relationship.
    Think about your son, and find a man who will treat you right, as well as your son. Good luck!
    momma-t42

    Answer by momma-t42 at 2:36 PM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • If you have a hot coal in your hand an it's burning you, what do you do? Drop it!

    This guy is no good for you. He'll break your heart over and over again if you let him.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:48 PM on Jun. 4, 2013

  • Look up the old Hank Williams song "I Won't Be Home No More." Set it as a ring tone on your phone. Sing it, know it, live it.


    I used to be the patient kind
    Believed each alibi
    But that's all done, I 've changed my mind
    I 've got new fish to fry
    Well, you're just in time to celebrate
    The things you didn't calculate
    You're just in time to be too late
    And I won't be home no more.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:01 PM on Jun. 4, 2013

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