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3 Bumps

Man child??

I been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. He's 31, I'm 21. I have a 2 year old son, which is not his biological son. I've been frustrated with him though. Currently we are both living with our mothers. He doesn't have a job, he's been looking but nobody has been calling him back. I have a little part time nanny job, but I can barely mantain, so lately I've been looking at schools.

Living with my mom is hard on her, considering my 4 siblings live with her, including my child. The bills are High, and the house is crowded. My boyfriend at his age shouldn't even be living with his mother, period.

Lately I've been trying to talk him into maybe getting out there on our own. Seems as if we're too comfortable in our situation now. Maybe if we apply at jobs about 40-60 minutes from our home, we can get our own place, and just basically go survival mode. We will have no choice but to work out butt off and have a new little place. I was thinking of just starting over and fresh elsewhere.

Every time I bring this up, he never says much about it. He doesn't sound enthused. Basically he just doesn't sound like he's up for it. I literally talked about this AGAIN 15 minutes ago, he didn't say much, and just fell asleep. I feel as if why be with a 31 one year old when I can be with someone my own age. That's what he's acting like it.

What are your thoughts?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Jun. 6, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • get out now while he's just a boyfriend and there are no legal contracts involved. it doesn't sound like he wants to grow up and you don't need an immature couch potato.

    Answer by tnm786 at 5:26 PM on Jun. 6, 2013

  • I agree drop him and worry about yourself.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 5:40 PM on Jun. 6, 2013

  • From what you posted, I agree with TNM and Lost. It sounds like you've got an overgrown teenager on your hands. He is just a boyfriend right now, and believe me, the qualities you describe aren't the kind that usually change for the better over time. Especially don't think the magic marriage word will change him. If you're having your doubts now, listen to yourself.

    Answer by Ballad at 5:57 PM on Jun. 6, 2013

  • Why does he live with his mother? Sometimes there are very valid, good reasons for living with parents. I can't really judge without knowing why he lives with her. In general, I would agree that at that age, he shouldn't, but there are some reasons that would make it okay for me.

    With that out of the way, I think if you're doubting the relationship right now, this is probably the time to end it. If you wait, you may find yourself having to file for divorce instead of just saying "I wanna break up." Plus, your son is only 2. The older he gets, the more attached he'll get to this guy, and begin to think of him as "Daddy" (assuming he hasn't already). He's young enough right now for this to have a minimal impact on him. I would suggest, though, that moving out might not be best for you if you have to go into "survival mode." As much as you might hate it, stay with your mom a bit longer until you're more stable.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:06 PM on Jun. 6, 2013

  • Do what you need to do to make you happy. He's obviously not interested in growing up with you.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 6:09 PM on Jun. 6, 2013

  • You have nothing that keeps you with him (no shared child) and he is not ambitious. Take care of you and your child, let him figure out his life on his own.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 6:43 PM on Jun. 6, 2013

  • Doesn't sound like you and him want the same things, move on.

    Answer by missanc at 7:09 PM on Jun. 6, 2013

  • I think you want a better life for yourself and your child. That is so admirable. Do yourself a favor and drop this guy because you deserve more. You deserve someone who will boost you up, not hold you back. You will have an easier time without a useless manchild to worry about. Good luck!

    Answer by tessiedawg at 7:21 PM on Jun. 6, 2013

  • Time to stop seeing him/break up. The song "you can do bad al by yourself" comes to mind.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:42 PM on Jun. 6, 2013

  • Get rid of him, he is a loser.

    Answer by gwen20 at 11:46 AM on Jun. 7, 2013

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