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7 Bumps

Do you judge women who don't want kids?

Hi! I'm almost thirty and I've been married to my husband for almost three years now. Even though my husband already has children with his previous wife, his folks are constantly on me about having a baby. Personally I think it's because he only has two girls and they're fishing for him to have a boy and perhaps I'm their last hope. I told my husband from the beginning when we started dating that I wasn't interested in having children. I just don't have the patience for them and I honestly don't think I would make a good mother. I'm not very maternal when it comes to his kids and I don't have that much experience with kids in general. Everytime I tell my friends this they keep telling me that I will change my mind, I will want one of my own eventually. I've felt this way ever since high school...listening my classmates who got knocked up talk about how stressful it is. I've made up my mind. Does it make me less of a woman because I don't want kids? Why is that a requirement of a woman? What fulfillment do you, mothers, get by having children?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Jun. 7, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Answers (48)
  • No. I'm not in the habit of judging decisions that other people make that only affect their own lives.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 1:29 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • I do.... judge. I just cannot imagine someone feeling complete without a kiddo

    However I also feel sad for because I generally think there's a deeper issue. Infertility, FEAR of infertility, parent issues, etc

    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 1:30 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • I admire women that do have children. I have the utmost respect for them. I just don't see why it's a requirement.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:30 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • I don't judge for that. My best friend from high school doesn't want kids (we're almost 40). She has no business having them anyways, so it's good that she doesn't want any. She's too high maintenance and self centered, she would resent a child taking attention from her. I love her dearly for who she is, but she knows this about herself too.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 1:31 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • The "fulfillment" I get is the ability to once again see the world through the eyes of a child. It really makes you take a step back and re-examine everything you thought you knew or believed in and, in my case anyway, has made me somewhat of a better person. But that's not why I had a child. I had a child because I wanted to share the love and create a family with my husband and for lack of a better, less egotistical-sounding metaphor "bless the world" with (what I hope) will turn out to be an amazing, good person with my help and guidance. So far so good.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 1:33 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • How often do you have his girls?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 1:33 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • I felt the exact same way as you do. I got the same crap from people, why no kids??? I worked full time & just was enjoying my own life. Then one day I was in a store & there was a little baby with the bluest eyes & she smiled at me. Right then & there I wanted a baby! We were married 13 years & I was 39 when I finally had my Son after many miscarriages. Then I had another baby at 44. I can tell you that there is an incredible bond that I have for my kids. Love like I have never before imagined. So maybe you won't ever have children or maybe someday the baby bug will hit. Until then, just have fun!
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:35 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • Not often butterfly. Summer vacation and Christmas. This is at his ex-wife's request, not his.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:35 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • My best friend since high school is 42 and had never wanted any. She has been married over 17 years, and her passion is in horses. I think she would have been fine as a mother, but I don't feel she's missing out. Her life is complete with what she has. Her only fear about children is that they would take away from what she has worked so hard for.

    Not every woman has the same amount of maternal drive. Just like not all men are cut out to be fathers. I think it takes a smart woman to realize and take control of what she is capable of.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 1:37 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • I think you are a very smart women to relise before having kids that you are not that into being a mom.
    Being truthfull here! I wish I would have figured out that before I had kids. I figured it out after 2 kids.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:37 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

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