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Would you be upset if your husband said this?

So I allow my husband talk to his ex, who was his friend for a long time before they decided to be together. While they were together (year before we met) he got her pregnant while she was still married to someone else! The girl was forced to get an abortion by her mother-in-law. She told the father (my current hubby) that she had miscarried. He only found out from her recently that she really aborted it. My husband really wants kids of his own and we've been trying for a year now with no success as of yet. I saw on his text message to her yesterday that he wishes she had had the child, and asked her if she regretted it. I was so shocked and hurt by this. I know he loves me and my son (who he treats as his own). Thats why it was so left field for me to read this. He says I'm taking it differently than how he is thinking. It was something that was half his that was taken away from him without choice. He wants to give his father a grand baby before he dies.(men in his family rarely live last 60). Am I vindicated in my feeling so hurt? I feel cut to the bone! Its done, its over with! Good things and bad things happen for a reason. I dont believe I would have entered a serious relationship with him if she was still preggo. He says it was over with with her once he met me, regardless.... That I make him happier, blah blah blah. I know we are solid in our love now and that he is not going anywhere. I'm just not sure how to take his statement to his ex. Help me see this in a different way....


Asked by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Jun. 7, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • First I wouldn't condone this relationship with his ex at all. It NEEDS to end. New life now so leave the past behind. Second, if he wants a child of his own so much then both of you go to a Reproductive Specialist & work at it. Nothing that you want in life comes easy but if you want it bad enough you can make it happen. No more texting her & get on with life. That's what I'd say. TONIGHT! I hate that what if crap!

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:00 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • I couldn't get past I allow my husband


    Answer by feralxat at 2:11 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • He just recently found out about the abortion. The wound was ripped open again, and it's fresh all over again. This time it's worse though, because at least with a miscarriage, you can feel like it was out of everyone's control, that there was no chance of a healthy baby.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 3:34 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • He is grieving. He thought he would have a child, but its life was ended. It's not about you or his ex. If you miscarried, he would grieve for that child, too.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 2:44 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • While I would be unhappy that he had gotten someone pregnant, I do think your husband probably means what he said differently than you are taking it. Your feelings are your feelings, not wrong or right. But consider that what he is longing for is the child who got taken from him by no choice of his own. It's not about you. He isn't saying he doesn't want you, or that he doesn't want o have children with you, or that he'd rather have a child with his ex--he's grieving for the life that might have been.

    Answer by Ballad at 2:11 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • You're insecure.

    Answer by 3libras at 2:47 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • He lost a child, how can you be hurt that he wished that child had lived?! That is selfish and fucked up if you ask me. If you lost a child, you would wish you hadn't, how can you blame him for missing his.

    Answer by kmath at 4:06 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • Sense they have no kids together. No need for them to be talking to each other. and to because he is having issues with her aborting his kid.
    There is nothing wrong for him to be wanting the child she aborted. IMO

    Answer by louise2 at 2:10 PM on Jun. 7, 2013