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2 Bumps

Five years ago my daughter (now age 32) ceased communicating with me. At the time, I was having the worst personal crisis I'd ever experienced.

Since that time, and with a great deal of support, I came out on the other side and am the best me I've ever been. Gone is the shallow, judgmental often cold person I used to be, and in her place is a woman with a great deal of humility, who loves easily and forgives often. However, my daughter doesn't know this me, which breaks my heart. I've tried everything, from letter writing, to text messages, to sending her flowers at work, all with no response. I want nothing more than to hug her tight and tell her I'm so sorry for any/all I ever did to hurt her but with no communication it's impossible. So, here's my question: She's asked me not to reach out - should I continue to honor this request, or is my staying away just reinforcing a perception of myself that no longer exists? Is she just waiting for me to show up? I'm so confused, I'm not sure how best to communicate how much I lover her - help!

Answer Question

Asked by Sharmaine66 at 5:15 PM on Jun. 7, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Your daughter has most likely grown into the woman that you raised her to be- the OLD you.
    Give it more time.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 5:25 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • She's not ready yet... your going to have to wait it out. Maybe send a Christmas card or a Birthday card, nothing crazy, just to let her know you are still waiting. Don't send stuff to her work... she does not need her personal life to spill over in to her professional life.

    Answer by Crafty26 at 5:27 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • You must understand that you hurt her and that is unforgettable, she removed you from her life because you can be toxic. People can change but hurt stays in the brain until it's replaced with a different picture keep trying' face to face time will help and let her tell you what she feels

    Answer by pinkparcel at 5:36 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • Speaking as someone who has walked away from a mother after being hurt one too many times, she may not trust your sincerity. Don't send her anything at work because she may have to explain things to colleagues that she'd rather not talk about. If you've expressed what you posted above to her in a letter, the apologies, the wishes to make up to her, the way you've changed, then my suggestion would be to leave her alone. She may come around in time or she may not.

    Answer by Ballad at 5:42 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • Is there a third party that you both trust who can serve as a bridge?

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:52 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • I agree with gdiamante. If there is someone who can vouch for the changes that have taken place, perhaps you could ask that person to speak to your daughter.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:06 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • If the mountain does not come to muhamad, muhamad goes to the mountain, reach mom before time runs out on you.....

    Answer by older at 6:39 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • Sounds pretty self serving to force yourself on someone who wants nothing to do with you

    You want her to see what a "good person" youve become but you dont know if you should respect her wishes?

    Answer by feralxat at 6:40 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • I wish I could help you. I am having the same problems. How can you fix a relationship. When one side refuses to partisapate in the fixing?
    I gave up trying. I am tired of beating my head on the wall.
    Hope you have better luck then I have.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:00 PM on Jun. 7, 2013

  • She needs to see it not have a third person chase her down. You should let her come back on her own. Who knows what she is doing or going through right now. You gave her the ball and its in her court now its up to her.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:35 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

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