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5 Bumps

Serious Social Question.

I am 32 and I have not made a new friend in ... well, since high school and even then it was SOOOO hard for me. Any new friends I make are not really my friend but more, the parents of my kids friends. We talk but we don't 'connect' so to speak. I have this woman who I met through my son, who has an ASD but she doesn't have kids. She just worked with him the last 2 years and isn't anymore. We are really excited to be able to start a friendship but I will be honest... I have no idea how to foster this friendship. I am so scared I am going to screw up this chance to have a new friend. We are going on Tuesday to get lunch but I don't know what to talk about. More often than not we end up talking about my kids but I don't want to do that. I am afraid if I ask top many questions about what she likes it will sound like I am trying to hard... and what do people my age go out and do with friends? I am just so nervous about this. I desperately want it to work. I need a friend....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Jun. 8, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • When you figure it out let me know. I'm horrible at making friends always have been. Most times I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong lol.

    Don't be afraid to ask some questions and follow the conversation from there.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 3:06 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • The worst part is... she was my sons social skills instructor... ::smh::
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:07 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • Just be yourself...don't plan anything, let the day and the conversation take it's course. it is always nice to ask about them, give her a chance to tell you about her.....it will not look like you are trying too hard but that you are interested in her...this is always good.
    older

    Answer by older at 3:12 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • This shouldn't be an issue over your first "friend" lunch, but doing stuff together is the best way to have conversations that don't revolve around your kids. It also builds memories for later conversations. You could go see a movie, go for a hike, go shopping, go to a museum, etc.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 3:15 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • It's so much harder to make new friends as adults than it was in school! You just have to put yourself out there in new situations where you are able to meet new people. My closest friends right now are moms that I met when my oldest son was in preschool. Our "group" has shifted and expanded as we invite new people in, but the core is the same people. Most often we meet for dinner and drinks, but occasionally we go to a movie or shopping, we've been to musicals or to hear a live band, on rare occasions we just meet at one another's house and "hang out"
    Your kids are a huge part of your life and I'm sure she understands that, so don't worry about talking about them in conversation. Just be yourself, I'm sure it will go great!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 3:21 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • Take up a hobby if you can. It's easier to chat over scrapbooking or bird watching than it is just sitting and having lunch, and you already have something in common to talk about.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:40 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • I am not good at making friends. I am 26 & I have very few people I can call. I have a few long-distance friendships w/ friends I made several years ago in college, but it's not like we get together or anything. And the few local friends I have are former co-workers. They're great & all, but it's not like I can go out on my own and make new friends. I'm kind of socially awkward & not really sure how to stir up a conversation. I will talk to people briefly, but mainly keep to myself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • mot many woman with young kids have time to make friends

    imo
    part of being a busy mom

    if time
    take a class that interests you

    and you always have us
    i know, not much of a consolation prize ;)
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 4:07 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • fiat has a point........it is sometimes hard to get some bathroom time alone when you have kids, you will naturally click with someone who is looking for friendship too, and sometimes even if you are not looking you click with someone...let it happen on it;s own, be yourself.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:12 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • I do find that with my one non-work friend, our conversations start with our kids. We each have an only son and they both are special needs, so we've compared notes about different classes and teachers. We also talked about the only child syndrome. And we talk about how are husbands are doing, about our jobs (we both work) and things going on in our community. We don't talk politics because we're at different ends of the spectrum. We don't talk religion. But when we get together we do find plenty to talk about above and beyond our sons. The boys were the starting point, that's all.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:16 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

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