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I am getting rather PISSED at my husband!! A little rant and raving...

So yes he does work, he works hard to provide for me and dd. But here lately little things I have observed him doing or rather not doing, and/or saying. For example today he had a CPL (concealed pistol license) class. He has just had 5 people. Its about an 8 hr class. Anyway, dd was doing something or wanted something and I hear him say "Damn it I can't even sit down!" Hes been home since 6pm. And working, I do know what he does is rather tiring and exhausting. The days he work from open to close 6:45 am to approx 9pm and he gets home and she wants to play I do understand he is tired, and she is getting ready for bed herself. But 15 min or so too much to fucking ask??

Then most times he has Saturday through Tuesday off. He claims he needs to get things done outside, or clean stuff in the garage, whatever. He has 4 fucking days off!!! He cannot even take 1 day and take her to the park? He tells me if I want them to spend time together why should he take her to a park where she will be playing with the other kids? I tell him she knows you are there, thats all she wants. Plus he could push her on the swing. The last time they spent time alone, outside the house was back in November on her b-day! I told him to take her to the McD's playland so I could set things up at home for her party and stuff. I tell him I would love some me time every once in awhile. He then tells me I could go out and he could stay home with her. Well thats fine and dandy, except I have no money or anyone to go out with. But staying home and reading a few new books on my kindle on the back porch with a bag of popcorn, in which I can eat all by MYSELF! Whooohooo!

It seems like when he is home and she wants to play with him he almost gets irritated at her telling her he is tired or doesn't feel like it. Then he gets short with her when she wants to spend time with him. Then he wonders why she really doesn't listen to him, but she will listen to me. Well hell, I am with her 24/7. Its like a different dynamic in my household when it comes to things. Or at least to what I am used too. For me growing up, it was the daddy who enforced the rules, but it was mom we all 'walked over'. It was like "You wait until your father gets home!!!"
When I bring up the subject, he gets pouty, and then says something like "Well guess I am a horrible father" GRRRRRRRRR And I drop it, or I will end up in an argument with him. Meanwhile, my dentist gets pissed at me for the grinding I do with my teeth. How in the hell can I change this? She wants to play with him and for a while he does, then after about 20 min he stops, and she gets upset. It gotten to the point I will go back into the computer room and force him to spend time with her because I lock the door! Then I hear her laughing, and it gets rid of the guilt I have. lol There is another thing, when she gets hurt or upset she wants mommy, then his feelings get hurt, and I have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to bang my head against the wall.

Any suggestions?? Please?? Anything??

Answer Question

Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 11:13 PM on Jun. 8, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
Answers (44)
  • Hope you are not thinking of having more kids with him anytime soon. He can't handle one more less two.
    Forcing him to spend time with her seem to be the only way to do it.

    Answer by louise2 at 11:22 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • I understand your frustration but I think at least a part of this is just men in general. They don't(in general) have a lot of patience with children and if she is younger it gets to them more. They just don't have the patience we do.

    He also doesn't sound like he is very comfortable taking her out and about, sometimes it is just easier to have the kid at home.

    Suggestions: Lock yourself in the computer room or bathroom(long bath?) for some alone time. Set up a cozy reading area in the room etc. And tell him that you aren't to be disturbed unless the house is on fire lol.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 11:25 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • Or go out and read at a park or somewhere else comfy and bring along your popcorn.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 11:26 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • Hope you are not thinking of having more kids with him anytime soon.

    There she goes again.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 11:26 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • Honey, I wish I had suggestions! It sounds like you live in my house, with my man!

    The only thing I can say that has worked a little for me is to back out of certain activities when I can, like bathtime and bedtime. I just end up absorbed in my work when those jobs come up, and Daddy gets them by default. I know, I sound like a bad mom, but they enjoy themselves, and I hear them upstairs reading a story and laughing, or her telling him all about the pet fish at school while she's taking a bath. I used to feel guilty if it wasn't me who was doing everything when it came to taking care of my girl, but I'm getting over that!

    Also, can you all three go to the park now and then, or McD's, or whatever? I've noticed that pushing my boyfriend a little into family time has made him more willing to do it because he sees it can be fun. I don't think he was as involved with his oher kids as I've expected him to be this time.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:26 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • But the "I can't even sit down" and "I must be a horrible father" shit, I get that and I hate it. Makes me want to lay a skillet upside his head.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:27 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • I really understand where you are coming from. I often feel like DH needs to make more of an effort to go watch softball games and play in the yard. I also understand when you say he gets upset when they call for mommy when there is a boo-boo. It gets like that sometimes.

    I try to step back a little when he's around.I might have 3yo start a project and asking him to help her out for minute and see where it goes.

    I do mention family things I'd like to do well in advance so he can get his rest in (he's got a very physical job) and be ready to go when we are.
    I talk to him about how much better the kid's behavior is when they get one on one time with him. I make sure to have this conversation when we are just chilling out, not when I'm annoyed. Good luck! It's tough, but he will hopefully figure out how fun it can be.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 11:31 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • Owe really! It is true though. He can't deal with the one child. How is more going to help?

    Answer by louise2 at 11:33 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • I would sit down and say, your daughter is craving and begging for one on one time with you. There's going to come a time where she just doesn't care. When you try and figure out how or when the disconnect happened remember I told you when. If you do not change you will regret it in the long run. You only have a short time with your children cherish it because it will be over in a blink of an eye. Leave it at that and just be there for your dd. it's not hard to read a book before bed, have a conversation during dinner, play a board game for 15 minutes, have a staring contest. Maybe have her tell him how she feels. If it hurts her feelings, makes her sad or mad ect.

    Answer by skinnyslokita at 11:34 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

  • He can't deal with the one child. How is more going to help?

    This may come as a shock to you, but not everyone is an emotionless sociopath. Most people can LEARN to care for their children. He needs to be put in situations where he has to parent, and he'll learn, just like all other emotionally stable people who have loving relationships with their children.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 11:35 PM on Jun. 8, 2013

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