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Ok gdiamante..its all your fault! :)

I'd be agreeing with him. And reminding him that bonding is made or broken EVERY DAY of your daughter's life. He's screwing it up ROYALLY.

And then I'd put "Cats in the Cradle" on a constant loop on your stereo or whatever you have for playing music.

And if you'd like my Baseball Bat of Common Sense, I'll be happy to send it to you.

Answer by gdiamante

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LOL!! I came on here as I was cooking dinner to if there were any new answers and read all the answers I got. Then I log off and start get ready to set the table. I find out dd is spitting on her dresser and I gag when I see it and have to clean it up. So I ask my dh to clean it up for me. Well he grabbed the Clorox cleaner with bleach I use to clean my bathroom. He used it to clean up the dresser and then he used it on dd's wooden desk. I smell and I just asked him if he rinsed off her dresser, he tells me he dried it, and I ask him to get a wet washcloth and just rinsed it. Thats when I discover he used it on her desk. It says avoid contact with wood. So I ask him if he would get a wet cloth and rinse it also. He then looks at me and says "do you think I would do anything to hurt our dd" I said of course not, but she sometimes will eat at her desk and I was afraid of maybe any food might get some bleach residue or what the hell ever. He tell me thats how he is interpreting it. I told I can't help how he interprets what I say. I just read on the bottle and thats what it says, so I am guessing they have it there for a reason. Thats when he goes on the "I am a bad father" shit. I had it, and once again my mouth starts saying shit before my brain has a chance to analyze anything. And I said and yup you guessed it, I said that any bonding that is made or broken EVERY DAY of your daughter's life, and he is screwing it up ROYALLY." His facial expression was fucking priceless!! He then went into computer room and closed the door. DD comes out to see what was going on and I tell her that daddy is being a typical man and he is pouting. She seems to accept that and continued watching Dora.

DH comes out and say he is not pouting. I raise my eyebrows like seriously? What would you call it? He says he is tired of all the stress in this house, namely dd. She seems to enjoy pushing his buttons, and doesn't stop until he is yelling at her. I tell I put up with temper tantrums, disobeying me, not listening to me every freaking day 24/7. You know 4 yr old stuff. She listens to me better then she listens to him. I tell him to start taking her places when she get up in the morning when he has the day off. Then he can still get things done at the house. Take her to the park. She may then realize she can do fun with daddy as well as mommy. Tell her if she is good and eats all her breakfast and cleans up, they will go for a walk or to the park. Its not a bribe its a reward system. And if she doesn't do it, she doesn't go. He looks at me funny, and I say you must carry the threat out, or she will walk all over you. ANd when you leave she will throw a fit, so I take her to Mc'Ds and get her a fruit parfait, or a small fry and apple juice. Then come home and he will see she will be different because she got out the excess energy.

I try telling him it will be different when she get into pre-school becasue she will be with kids her age, will be able to work out and play and be creative, but he doesn't believe me. lol
Ahhhhhh...what joy....:)

Answer Question
 
Michigan-Mom74

Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 12:41 AM on Jun. 10, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • oh FFS- the poor me attitude of some people
    does he not realize the kid behaves better with you because you are with her all the time?



    Something we are working on
    read Men are from Mars and work on couple's communication


    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 1:07 AM on Jun. 10, 2013

  • ***sigh** Reading comprehension not one of his strong points, eh? Do make sure he knows bleach and ammonia don't go together!

    I think you handled yourself pretty well. He needs to learn Real Life is more like Roseanne than a rose garden.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:40 AM on Jun. 10, 2013

  • That "I'm a terrible father" shit would have made me crazy. I would have wanted to make him drink the bleach. Damn it, that shit is just a way to make it all about him and take the focus off the real issue, and then you end up comforting his sorry ass. My ex and my boyfriend both tend toward that crap, and I swear I can go from reasonable to raging homicidal maniac in about a third of a second with that.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:48 AM on Jun. 10, 2013

  • gdiamante ...About that baseball bat....
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 1:53 AM on Jun. 10, 2013

  • I'll start by saying my ex really IS a bad father. He's proven himself to be one many times over in many different ways.

    But he used to pull that "Oh, I'm such a bad father" shit, too. When it first started, I would try to tell him he wasn't, try to tell him how he could change the stuff he bitched about. I finally got fed up, though. One day, he started in with that whining, "Oh, I'm such a bad father" and I agreed with him! I told him, "Yeah, you know what, you are a horrible father. Worst father in the history of fatherhood. Serial killers are better fathers than you." He got this look on his face like I killed his kitten or something. Then he asked me why I was saying those things. So I told him that if he was going to keep saying he was a bad dad, I was going to believe him - and so would the kids, and it would be his own damn fault. I told him I was just taking his complaint to the next level, since he wasn't...con't
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:24 AM on Jun. 10, 2013

  • getting there fast enough. Then I told him that going around saying he was a bad father wasn't going to change anything, and if he wanted to be a better dad, all he had to do was change it. It was up to him to change how he interacted with our son (we only had the one at the time).

    He never did become a better father, because he never wanted to be one to begin with. But I never did have to hear, "Oh, I'm such a bad father" again.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:25 AM on Jun. 10, 2013

  • If gdiamante can't get that bat to you I have a purse sized cast iron skillet.....
    Men (and women too) can be silly. Consistency and follow through will do wonders for a kid taking you seriously. How is that so hard for some people to understand- spend time with them, be consistent, and reap the benefits when that crazy kid is *gasp* well behaved at the store!
    FYI, the bleach cleaner says not to use on wood because it can damage the finish of the wood- there really isn't enough bleach in it to harm your dd if it gets on her food :)
    preacherskid

    Answer by preacherskid at 11:57 PM on Jun. 13, 2013

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