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TFG Would you be upset if your husband had a vasectomy without your prmission?

Is it the same as a woman having an abortion, my body my choice?

What if you had only had one child (or none) and wanted more?


Asked by Dardenella at 12:28 AM on Jun. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Level 47 (265,496 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • It is a matter of respect. Is he respectful enough to let you know he's thinking of this life-changing surgery? Yes, I probably would have been pissed off initially if my husband had gone and gotten the surgery done without my knowledge/permission. First thing that probably would have popped into my head would be "he's cheating or going to cheat and doesn't want to get caught/risk having a child with another woman". But then again, we always talk to each other when it will affect the other, and shoot, sometimes when it won't affect the other person.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 1:44 PM on Jun. 11, 2013

  • I think either way(woman/abortion, man/vesectomy) is wrong without consulting the other person in the marriage. Whether to have kids/how many is a huge issue that ideally is discussed before being married and if that changes then afterwards that should be brought up right away.

    Personally if I had no children it would be much more upsetting then if I had one already.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:35 AM on Jun. 11, 2013

  • I think if a man is having a vasectomy in secret, there are bigger issues in the marriage than birth control. That is the sort of thing that should be discussed a lot. As for permission, a husband shouldn't be forced to have children any more than a wife should be forced to have children. And if the marriage is on shaky ground in the first place (which it would be, if the husband is sneaking out to get a vasectomy), having more children that he doesn't want would only make it worse. If he is 100% done having children and she is sure she wants more, she would still have the option of having more children with her next husband (again, I'm seeing shaky marriage with no communication here).

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 12:35 AM on Jun. 11, 2013

  • Yes I would be upset if he did it without talking to me first. It would be like me getting an abortion without telling him. It is a trust issue to me.

    But, I have been harassing him to do it for a year, so at this point I would be ok

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 12:43 AM on Jun. 11, 2013

  • For me? Heck no. Make that gun shoot blanks I have two kids I am exhausted!

    Answer by staciandababy at 12:47 AM on Jun. 11, 2013

  • It is his body, so I could agree that ultimately it's up to him. HOWEVER, that decision doesn't just affect him, so it's not something he should do without discussing it with his spouse first - or even a significant other or girlfriend. While it is his choice to decide he doesn't want (more) kids, it should also be my choice to decide whether or not I'm okay with that and whether this is a deal breaker for me.

    I do, however, see a small difference between a vasectomy and an abortion, the main thing being that if the man is allowed to force a woman to not have an abortion and then he doesn't live up to his responsibilities as a father, she's now left footing the bill for a kid she didn't want. If a woman forced man not to have a vasectomy and takes off, what harm is done? He can still have the vasectomy, or use condoms. He's not left with major responsibilities that he never wanted.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:49 AM on Jun. 11, 2013

  • Number of children is something we agreed on before marriage. If we'd hit that number, I'd have no reason to be upset.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:35 AM on Jun. 11, 2013

  • I would probably not stay with a man who made a decision that monumental and didn't at least tell me first, if he wasn't willing to consider my opinion.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:20 AM on Jun. 11, 2013

  • we hear about women sabotaging BC to get pregnant all the time.

    True, and that's not right or fair, either. My point was simply that, although at first glance abortion and vasectomies can be looked at as essentially the same for this discussion, there is that difference in someone being able to force you to do what they want. Being forced to carry a child you wanted to get rid of, and then forced to raise it alone without any financial, emotional or other parenting support because the man has disappeared is different than being forced to not get a vasectomy and then your wife runs off.

    i don't agree with women sabotaging their birth control any more than I agree with a man being able to make a woman have or not have an abortion. I think both parties need to be on the same page about getting pregnant - whether that's to try or to use protection until circumstances change.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 1:00 PM on Jun. 11, 2013

  • Permission or knowledge? Two different things.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 8:27 AM on Jun. 11, 2013