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2 Bumps

Dealing with unfairness with grandparent

My sister has an 8 yr old and 6 yr old that my mom has had sleepovers with at her house since they were babies.
I have a 3 (almost 3 1/2) year old and a 9month old. They have never spent the night at her house. I of course do not expect her to take my 9mo old, but my 3 yr old is starting to realize her cousins sleep over at Grandma's and she never has.
I don't know what to do. If I say something, then she might take my child out of pity & I don't want that. It might start a huge fight, don't want that.
If I keep quiet, I'm afraid I might blow up one day because it's really bothering me. I don't want to get rid of my kids, but I feel like my child's cousins are going to have all of these sleep over memories with Grandma (like I have with my grandparents) and my children will have none.
I keep thinking she'll take my kids when they're older, but it doesn't sound like it. We recently went out of town over night & my mom opted to stay here rather than have them at her house, which was so convenient for us, but I just don't get it.
I know she's mentioned that she's worried that they won't sleep well & she has sleeping issues so she'd rather them be comfortable at their own house.
Again, not trying to pawn my kids off, but want them to be treated fairly. Plus I get to hear about all of the fun she's had w/ my nieces and that just burns me up more. I know she's older now & the kids are easier when they're older, but she's had these kids overnight for YEARS!
Any suggestions? Just keep it to myself to avoid the drama??? Thank you!!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:39 AM on Jun. 12, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • I am not defending your mom but when your sisters kids were that young your mother was a little younger. A couple years could have taken a toll on her body and energy. She may have done it at your house because your house has all the things your little one's need instead of you hauling a bunch of stuff over there. It's easier for little one's to sleep in their own environment.
    Or it could be that your sister or her kids ask grandma if they can stay the night.
    I think you should ask her one time if you DD can spend the night with her. Have her do it when her cousins are over so they can help grandma.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:44 AM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Staying at your home when you are away is totally appropriate so the kids are in their own environment. That's how we do it too. But having a sleepover is different. I think if I were in your shoes I would ask, the next time sleepovers are talked about, when your mom might think your child will be old enough to enjoy one. Calmly, with no pressure, said very casually. Hopefully something like that will make a difference. GL!!

    Answer by silverthreads at 11:58 AM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Eh I had that issue too. My mother wound up raising my brother's children. My kids never spent the night, never really stayed during the day either. It's just the way it is. I never made a big deal out of it though. If you don't let it show that it bothers you, it won't bother the kids either.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:20 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I would be thankful if someone would come to my house and watch my kids! Maybe she just feels like it is easier on YOU?

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 12:22 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I would just bring it up casually. Don't make a big deal out of it, and it won't be a big deal. I agree though that it's not fair. I'm not trying to suggest anything bad about your kids, but are they a handful? It may be that Grandma just doesn't feel she can control them.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 12:28 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Thank you so much everyone!
    Yes, I have asked her to have my daughter over night before my 2nd was born and it was kind of brushed off like we'll talk about it later and we never did.
    Yes, I REALLY appreciate her coming here! It's so nice of her. I'm just worried about the many many sleepovers the other grandkids get at her house and my children aren't getting the same. Like I said, of course I wouldn't expect both kids to sleepover with my youngest being a lot of work, but just to do it with my 3 yr old who is an angel with grandma would be nice.
    But thanks to all of you for kindly helping me see her side and reminding me to casually bring it up if I do. There is no need to fight about it and I don't want my kids to see that it bothers me.
    I appreciate all of your suggestions. I guess it's just a little hurtful to me too.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:00 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • And my youngest is quite a bit of work because he's 9mos, but my daughter is super well behaved for my parents.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:02 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I like Lost's idea of suggesting a cousins' night at your mom's house with your daughter and your sister's kids. That way they'll all have some memories, and the older ones can help if need be. Maybe Grandma is worried because the other two kids entertain each other, but the three-year-old, if she went by herself, would be dependent on Grandma to keep her occupied.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:04 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Oh, also, I understand where you are coming from because my parents don't have a relationship with my daughter but they do with my sister's kids. It's partly that way by my choice because I don't need their drama in my life, but it still makes me sad that my daughter is growing up without grandparents. If you think you'll explode over it someday, it's probably better to get it off your chest in a casual, nonjudgmental way when you are calm because angry tirades are only good for saying things you'll regret, or saying the right things in the wrong way.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:08 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • My guess is that she is worried it may be difficult with a 3 yr old still -as far as sleeping and such, and wants her to be a bit older first. Sleepovers can be kinda hard for kids -even when they know the people they are staying with well.
    as for her watching your daughter at your home, totally fine- since that is where she is already used to sleeping and all her stuff is there.

    give it a little more time- I mean the other kids are 6 and 8

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 1:27 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

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